Total pages in book: 128
Estimated words: 122097 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 610(@200wpm)___ 488(@250wpm)___ 407(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 122097 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 610(@200wpm)___ 488(@250wpm)___ 407(@300wpm)
But he’s a grown man. It’s none of my business where he sleeps. If he’s not OK, that’s not my fault. And locking him up and never letting him go is a felony.
So I keep walking.
I go back to my booth, and plaster on a smile, and chat happily with Bryn, and when six o’clock comes, I pack up my things, close down my booth, and walk over to McBooms.
It’s dark in there.
And I don’t turn on the light.
Because I want to have a good cry and I don’t want anyone to see me do that.
When my day is over and Amon is handing out instructions to the night shift, I slip away and start walking back to Lowyn’s house. I know I told her I’d find another place to stay—and I will—but I still have to pick up my Jeep in front of her house and get my things.
The whole place is dark when I get there and that’s when I remember that she said she was gonna work tonight. I could go inside. I actually have the key.
But I don’t want to. Because if I go inside, this sets a course of action. It sends a message. It means that I respect her wishes—which is fine. That part’s fine. But it also means that I’m a quitter. And despite the fact that I quit on Lowyn McBride when I walked out on her twelve years ago—I’m not a quitter.
So I do not go inside her house and collect my things. I don’t even drive my Jeep. I walk over to McBooms and leave everything the way it is.
But when I get there, it’s dark.
Hmm. Did she lie to me?
I don’t think so. Even though Lowyn started our reconnection with a lie about my teenage bedroom, she is not a liar. She was doing nothing but handing out truths this afternoon.
It’s possible she got an offer and took it. Perhaps Bryn invited her to dinner? Maybe Rosie Harlow talked her into goin’ dancing? Maybe.
But I can’t go on that assumption until I thoroughly check out McBooms for any signs of life. I press my face against the window and get an immediate payoff. A little bit of music. Fleetwood Mac. But there are no lights on and I can’t see any people inside.
So I knock.
Immediately, a head pops up from the couch in the middle of the store. I can just barely make out her face when Lowyn turns towards the window, wiping her eyes like maybe she was crying, and then, even from the other side of the glass, I can hear that sigh, even though I can’t. It’s long. Like she’s tired.
I knock again. “Lowyn. It’s me. Open up, please.”
Lowyn McBride is a quiet fighter. She’s never gonna show up at my motel room and rip me a new asshole the way Bryn did the other day. It’s not her style. But I can say, with one hundred percent certainty, that Lowyn’s calm anger, and the way she delivers her truth in the most soothing way, and that soft manner in which she shows her disappointment—her sad, as she put it—is enough to crush a man and make him feel ashamed.
It certainly did crush me this afternoon. And I can’t let this day end like this.
She gets up off the couch, walks over to the door, unlocks it, and opens it up a crack. “What are you doing here?”
It’s not an accusation, though she’s entitled to that. She did tell me to fuck off, in her own way, of course. And here I am, inserting myself back into her life when she’s just trying to have a quiet moment of sadness.
“I just wanna say something. And then you can close the door and I’ll leave. But I wanna say… No.”
“No? No what?”
“It wasn’t an ultimatum. This is not how it’s supposed to be. And even if it is, I’m not walking out again. Ever.”
That sigh she gives me. It’s a whole lotta disbelief.
“You don’t have to believe me tonight. Or tomorrow. Or next week or next year. But one day, Lowyn McBride, you will believe me. Because one day, when you’re old, I’ll still be here.” I point to the ground. “I’ll be right here. Because I made a mistake when I left you behind. I made a mistake when I broke your heart. I made a mistake and maybe I’m not the smartest guy around, but I’m a rather quick learner. And I don’t tend to make the same mistakes twice. You were my best friend and I let you down. But I will not do that again. And like I said, you don’t have to believe me. I’ll just show you.”
Then I tip an imaginary hat at her, turn, and I walk away.
“Collin?”
I stop. Force myself not to smile. And turn. “What?”