Total pages in book: 102
Estimated words: 97287 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 486(@200wpm)___ 389(@250wpm)___ 324(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 97287 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 486(@200wpm)___ 389(@250wpm)___ 324(@300wpm)
“James did that?” she asks with an air of disbelief and disappointment. “Fucking men, huh?”
“Yeah. So you can see why I wasn’t happy to find out he’d be working alongside me again.”
“But now you’re sleeping together,” she says.
“That’s right.”
“And you’re not just falling for him this time, but you’re properly in love with the Scottish bastard?”
“I guess so.”
“Hmm,” she muses. “I can see why you needed to confide in someone. That’s a tough thing to deal with. On the one hand, you’re getting all the sex you want, if you want it. On the other, you’re in love with him, and if you tell him, he might end up running again.”
“Exactly. I’m fucked.”
She nods. “Yes, it appears you might be. But do you have any idea of how he feels?”
I shake my head and stop walking, looking at the snowy clearing, the tall pines around us. I take in a deep breath. “No clue.”
“Well, is he any different now with you than he was then?”
“Yes,” I say, and I don’t even have to think about it. “He’s very different. He’s more open, more vulnerable, more affectionate, more…involved. Tender. Like he doesn’t just want my body; like he wants all of me. Maybe my heart and my soul, I don’t know. It’s too much to ask for when it comes to him because I still see that fear inside him, the fear of getting hurt, of losing himself again.”
She lets out a long exhale, giving me a sympathetic look. “Well, that may be your answer there. You were falling for him before, now you’re in love with him. Isn’t it possible that this time it’s different for him too? You’re not going to know unless you tell him.”
I shake my head, my heart feeling constricted. “No. I can’t do that. I can’t go through that again.”
“Then it looks like you’re going to have to find out how he feels, one way or another,” she says. “Why not pull him aside one night and see?”
I smile. “You know that pulling him aside will only lead to sex.”
“So then at least you’re getting something out of it. Come on, let’s go back and make some tea. My toes are frozen. I’m not made for this bloody weather.”
• • •
Despite the pep talk with Lady Jane about James, I don’t actually work up the nerve to pull him aside and talk to him about how I feel. It’s been a week now, and I’ve done nothing to deal with it, my love for him turning into a festering mess inside me, until I must be bleeding out through my pores. Every time I see him now I feel like I can’t breathe and my gut churns and my heart beats wildly, as if to remind me that it’s still here and it wants what it wants. I’m lovesick, and it sucks, and I don’t think James has any idea.
But today we’re going out with the family to Holmenkollen, the ski jump in Oslo where one of Ella’s environmental charities is holding a competition, and I’m looking forward to being out of the house and around civilization. The more distance I can put between James and me, the better, if I’m going to be a wreck around him. And once he’s in bodyguard mode, he becomes even more untouchable.
We ride to the event in two separate cars, but because I’m with the boys, James is with me. Even being in the close confines of a car with him makes my blood run hot, despite the fact that Bjorn and Tor are yelling and bouncing around in their seats at the excitement of seeing some ski jumping.
“Ah, field trips,” James says as we get out of the car, breathing in deeply as he looks around. Holmenkollen is located at the top of the five-hundred-meter mountain that overlooks Oslo, giving stupendous views of the city and harbor. Up here the snow is deeper, the sun brighter, and the air fresh and cold. There’s a large black wooden chapel up here as well, which we went to for the Christmas ceremony, and next to it the Royal Lodge where the king and queen spend a lot of their holidays.
James gives me a small smile before he slips on his sunglasses, then his face turns into a mask, and I know he won’t say another word to me until we’re back in the car going home.
I bring my attention to the boys and do what I can to keep them in the background and out of the way as we follow Magnus and Ella through the crowd toward the podium, where an even larger crowd has gathered. We Norwegians love everything to do with skiing, and this sort of event is no exception, especially at Holmenkollen, which is serviced by the Oslo Metro line, making it easy for anyone to come and visit.