Total pages in book: 90
Estimated words: 87015 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 435(@200wpm)___ 348(@250wpm)___ 290(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 87015 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 435(@200wpm)___ 348(@250wpm)___ 290(@300wpm)
Home. His home wouldn’t be mine anymore. I would be moving back into my apartment, which I’d always loved, but now the thought of being there alone, being without him, without sleeping in the same bed as Elliott every night, left me feeling cold and empty.
“You guys always have fun together.”
We fell into silence again as I finished the drive back to Santa Monica. I was surprised when we got there that Elliott didn’t even head to the door, instead tugging his keys out of his pocket. “I’m gonna go ahead and run. I’ll be back this evening.”
“Okay.” Talk to me. What’s wrong?
Elliott watched me for a moment before he gave a simple nod, walked to his car, and left.
He regrets this, regrets us.
Fuck, why couldn’t I stop these stupid voices in my head telling me no one would ever want me?
Instead of getting back into the car, I went for the house. My heart thundered, my hands were shaking, my breathing hard and sharp.
I was so stupid. Why the fuck was I so stupid? I never should have let myself fall for him. Hell, I never should have dated or fucked him. We should have kept it as a stupid business transaction, the way we’d planned from the start because…fuck, this hurt.
I curled up on the couch. Hugging myself into a tight ball would surely make things feel better, would make me feel less alone.
I didn’t know how long I lay there before my cell rang. I tugged it out of my pocket to see Declan’s name on the screen.
“Hello?” I answered.
“Hey, babe. Just checking in on you after your night away.”
I didn’t answer right away because what could I say? That he was right and I would get hurt?
“Park…” Declan said, his voice soft and knowing.
“I’m so stupid.”
Declan sighed, knowing where this was going. “Did he say he didn’t feel the same?”
“No. I didn’t tell him. I’m not an idiot. I just… No one ever wants me, Dec.”
“Shit.” He cursed. “Are you alone?”
“Yes. Elliott is at his mom’s. He said he wouldn’t be back until this evening—oh God. I’m going to lose his mom too. Cat’s going to hate me. I don’t want to lose them, Declan.”
“Babe, calm down, okay? Text me Elliott’s address. We’ll be right there.”
When Declan hung up, I texted him the address. The truth was, I needed them. We all needed each other, and there was no shame in that.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
Elliott
I didn’t go see my mom. If I did, I’d spill the whole truth. I’d tell her I was in love with Parker and that it scared me. Which would confuse her since we were married, so why would I have just figured out I was in love with my husband? I’d have to tell her what we did, that it was a drunken mistake, and if I was truly honest with myself, what also scared me was that Parker wouldn’t return my feelings.
Love was the absolute worst. Why in the fuck would anyone want to feel this? It was terrible. I’d never been so insecure in my life.
But I needed to talk to someone, and as much as I loved Vaughn, he wasn’t the person I contacted.
“Hey, Elliott. How are you?” Sebastian answered. I still couldn’t get over the fact that I had the Sebastian Cole’s phone number.
“I’m in love with Parker and scared out of my mind.” God, what was wrong with me? I couldn’t believe I’d just said that. “Ugh! This is torture. Can you pretend this never happened?”
He chuckled. “I don’t think I can. Where are you?”
“At the pier.”
“Okay, well, we’re going to need somewhere a little less public, unless we want to be followed around by the paparazzi. Declan is with Marcus and Corbin. He thought Parker was with you. Do you want to come over?”
No, say no. I didn’t need to burden him with my drama. Still, I said, “Yeah, that’d be great.”
“What are friends for?”
Damn, he really was a good guy.
I drove to his house, and he buzzed me in. He was waiting on the front porch when I walked up, a knowing look on his face. “I called it.”
“You knew I would be an absolute mess and afraid of losing something for the first time in my life?”
“That’s what love does to us. It rips us open, bares all our fears and insecurities, but there’s nothing more beautiful either because it heals us too. It makes us less alone.”
We went into the house, Sebastian closing the door behind him.
“But what if you’re scared you’ll suck at love? What if you screw up?”
“Then you’re human. None of us are perfect, Elliott. We’re flawed, and we all make mistakes. You do your best. You love them in the best way you can. There’s always a possibility we might do or say the wrong thing, and when that happens, you fix it, you work through it because love is imperfect. Sometimes I think that’s what makes it even more incredible.”