Total pages in book: 89
Estimated words: 86706 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 434(@200wpm)___ 347(@250wpm)___ 289(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 86706 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 434(@200wpm)___ 347(@250wpm)___ 289(@300wpm)
I owe you an explanation. A huge one. I promise you will see me again someday, and I will properly explain things when the time is right. But that time is not now. And so, it’s not fair that I allow you to get closer to me when I haven’t been completely honest.
I realize that I am being cryptic. But I need to take a step back—for myself and also for you. You need to focus on the tour right now, focus on regaining the strength of your voice. My being here was distracting. It was also not the right way to solve my own problem. I’d thought working on the tour would be an escape, a good experience, but I hadn’t anticipated our connection, that I could fall for you in the process. Tristan, you make me feel like the most special person on Earth. I only wish I deserved it.
Promise me you won’t overanalyze this. Promise me you’ll forget about me for now and focus on healing yourself and getting back to music. I don’t want to be responsible for derailing anything. But when the tour is over and you’re feeling better, come find me. I’ll explain more then.
My address is 83 Cherry Lane, Henderson, Nevada.
Until we see each other again,
Emily
What. The. Fuck?
That wasn’t what I expected. I was more confused than ever.
I sat with my head in my hands. I was clearly wrong about what the hell had been going on with her. This was more than her just being scared of me. And while that brought me some relief, it also made me realize Emily was more complicated than I’d ever imagined. Despite her absence, she’d continue to haunt me, but she was right. I was currently on a train I couldn’t get off of, and as curious as I was to understand everything about Emily, I had no choice but to get through this tour. I owed it to the guys. And to myself, I supposed. It was time to get my shit together.
I knew for certain that I wouldn’t be able to wait until the European leg was over to see her. So after the US tour ended, I’d go to Nevada. I’d have a few weeks off before going overseas. Until then, I needed to not let this consume me.
Later that afternoon, the strangest thing happened. Lyrics came pouring out of me, after weeks of struggling with my writing. As much as Emily had distracted me from my work while she was here, she was inspiring me now. It was her. It had to be. As I wrote about beautiful eyes masking despair, falling for a woman you didn’t know but your soul did, I only hoped she was okay. She’d left a huge mark on me, and this creativity was proof of it. The heaviness in my chest was proof, too.
The music I wrote now might never see the light of day, but Emily was somehow healing me, even if she wasn’t here.
CHAPTER 23
TRISTAN
Three months later, when the North American tour finally ended, the guys went to Europe almost immediately. They wanted to enjoy the sights for a few weeks before we started performing. As planned, I stayed behind.
Getting through the US tour hadn’t been easy. But I’d managed to get my voice under control by going quiet like a monk most days. I made staying silent my job. In that respect, it helped that Emily was gone, since I hadn’t been tempted to talk to anyone else like I had been with her. It was the first time in a long while that I made myself and my health a priority. I’d even learned to meditate and would put my headphones on and drown out the world for hours each morning as I listened to calming music.
Through it all, though, I’d been counting the weeks until the tour ended so I could see her. And now that the day had finally come, I was a ball of freaking nerves.
Stepping out of my rental car on her street in Henderson, Nevada, I knew Emily wasn’t expecting to see me so soon. She’d probably assumed I’d wait until Europe was over. But I couldn’t. Anyway, this was the compromise with myself that had kept me from abandoning the tour and jumping on a plane to Nevada, something I’d wanted to do almost every damn night.
Henderson was nice. While I’d been to Vegas before, I’d never been to this suburb just southeast of the city. Her neighborhood was pretty residential, with a park located at the end of her street. She lived in a small, one-level home that looked like a single-family residence.
Licking my lips anxiously, I walked up to her door and knocked. My heart pounded as I waited for her to answer. Jesus. I’d performed onstage for thousands of people, and my blood had never been pumping quite like this.