Total pages in book: 132
Estimated words: 129354 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 647(@200wpm)___ 517(@250wpm)___ 431(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 129354 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 647(@200wpm)___ 517(@250wpm)___ 431(@300wpm)
Hazel is quiet for a beat. She picks up her coffee. Takes a long sip. “This is very serious,” she finally remarks.
Slight discomfort makes me shift in my seat. “It’s not ‘very serious.’ It’s just…” I rely on my trusty motto. “It is what it is.”
“Yeah, and what it is, is serious, Jake. I don’t think you’ve ever had a girl spend one night at your place, let alone several nights.” She watches me pensively. “Are you in love with her?”
I fidget with my fork, pushing some hash browns around on my plate. My appetite is slowly abandoning me. I don’t like talking about this. Or rather, I don’t like talking about it with Hazel. For a while now, it’s felt as if she’s passing judgment on me, disapproving of my actions, and I’ve never felt that way in all the years we’ve known each other. Even when I did dumb shit like get wasted at a party and throw up in her bushes, or indulge in a one-night-stand, I didn’t feel judged. But I do now.
“It’s fine, you don’t have to tell me,” she says when I remain silent.
“No, it’s… It’s awkward for me, I guess,” I say sheepishly. “I’ve never really been in love before.”
Something akin to pain flashes on her face, and suddenly I’m reminded of Brenna’s insinuation that Hazel has feelings for me. There’s no way that can be true, though. Wouldn’t she have given some indication of it in all these years? Before Brenna planted the idea in my head, it hadn’t crossed my mind, because Hazel never once acted like she was into me.
“That’s a big deal,” she says quietly. “Being in love for the first time. This entire thing is monumental whether you want to admit it or not.”
“I wouldn’t call it monumental.”
“You’re in a relationship. Relationships are huge.”
Christ, I wish she’d stop using words like huge and monumental. “It’s really not the big deal you’re making it out to be,” I say awkwardly. “We’re just going with the flow right now.”
My friend snorts. “The mantra of fuckboys everywhere.”
“I’m not a fuckboy,” I return with a dark scowl.
“Exactly. You’re not. Which means this isn’t about going with the flow. You’re in this. You’re dedicated to this girl, and that is a big deal, because you’ve never been in a real relationship.” She sips her coffee again, watching me over the rim. “You sure you’re ready for this?” she asks, her tone light.
My palms are unusually damp as I pick up my own coffee cup. “I can’t decide if you’re purposely trying to freak me out,” I say dryly.
“Why would you be freaked out? I’m simply asking if you’re ready.”
“Ready for what exactly?” I ask, then release a clumsy laugh and hope she didn’t notice how confused I sounded just now.
She’s right—I haven’t been in a real relationship before. I’ve fucked a lot of women. I’ve had some flings that lasted a few weeks or months. But I never developed deep feelings for anybody until Brenna. I never wanted to say the L-word to anybody until Brenna.
“Jake.” There’s a note of pity in her voice, which gets my back up. “Relationships are work. You realize that, don’t you?”
“What, you’re implying I’m incapable of working hard for something?” I roll my eyes and point to my chest. “Hello, going to the NHL over here?”
“Which raises another issue,” Hazel says. “And tell me, how is that going to affect this relationship? She’s a junior. She has another year at Briar. And you’re going to be in Edmonton. How exactly is this going to work?”
“People make long-distance relationships work all the time.”
“Yes, they do, but those are even harder. Now we’re talking about twice the work. Twice the effort to try to make the other person feel like they’re still a priority for you even though they’re in another country. And now we’re at our next issue—how can she possibly be a priority when you need to be focusing on the new job?”
An itchy sensation crawls up my spine. Hazel raises some good points.
“Which brings me to my last concern,” she announces, as if she’s presenting a thesis titled Why Jake Connelly Will Make A Shitty Boyfriend. “Hockey is your life. It’s all you’ve ever cared about. You’ve worked your ass off to get to this point. And I still have reservations about Brenna. Despite what you think, I still think she had an ulterior motive when she got together with you.”
“You’re wrong,” I say simply. At least that’s the one thing I’m certain about. Everything else…not so much.
“Fine, maybe I am. But am I wrong about the fact that you spent, what, seventeen years concentrating on hockey and preparing for this moment? You’re about to make your professional hockey debut. I guarantee that a long-distance relationship will distract you, and it’ll frustrate you, and you’ll end up spending an inordinate amount of time thinking about this girl and obsessing and assuring her you still love her when she reads articles or sees pictures on the blogs of you and whatever puck bunny throws herself at you that week.” Hazel shrugs, cocking a brow at me. “So I repeat, are you ready for this?”