Total pages in book: 153
Estimated words: 144404 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 722(@200wpm)___ 578(@250wpm)___ 481(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 144404 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 722(@200wpm)___ 578(@250wpm)___ 481(@300wpm)
“Be careful, guys. We’ll hold down the fort.” Casey moved in next to me, and I noticed he was holding a wriggling Puff.
All the hellhounds wanted to be with Fen. I wondered how Lucifer would handle that. A Hell creature Fenrir could control might make Lucifer angry or wary. Not taking them along was a good idea.
Tix reached out, and there was a bubbling sound and then a loud pop and they were gone.
If energy had come through, I couldn’t feel it, but then I wasn’t connected to anything anymore. I was adrift, and I wasn’t sure how much longer I could handle it.
“What did you say to Kelsey?” Casey knelt down and let Puff on the ground where the big hellhounds surrounded him. The slightly smaller one—the female, I thought—started to lick the little guy like he was her puppy. Hercules stared at the place where Fen had disappeared and laid down like he was going to wait right there until he came back.
“None of your business.”
“Something was wrong with her,” Casey accused. “And I think you know.”
“She’s about to spend an evening with the Lord of Hell. She’s nervous, and rightfully so since he’s a massive asshole,” I replied. Which was likely why I should have helped her and then gone along to support her like I would have a million times before.
“It’s more. She’s been nervous the whole time, but I caught her crying after you left her room. I was going in to tell her about some information I discovered and she was crying in her closet. That was about you,” he replied, his blue eyes narrowed on me.
It looked like I was in for another fight. The good news? If the house was right, I would be back to full power in a few hours and out of here.
Did I really want that? How could I know since I wasn’t whole? An important piece of me was missing. How could I trust the decisions this me made when I was missing crucial parts?
Compassion. Love. Empathy.
Was this who I wanted to be?
Everything Kelsey had said to me felt like a weight dragging me down. It was so much easier to not care.
And so much more cowardly.
“I pointed out some facts of life to her. She didn’t appreciate it.” I walked over to the small bar. As long as I was here, I could enjoy Gray’s excellent taste in alcohol. If I went back to the Coven House, it wouldn’t be allowed. I would have to lead the Profane and be a role model.
Of submission and idiocy. Of being mindless and showing everyone how I let that fucker walk all over me.
“Facts? I’m not sure you’re good with those right now.”
I poured a couple of fingers of Scotch. “Maybe that’s how I like it.”
I seemed intent on poking everyone who cared about me. Probably because them caring about me meant I owed them something. Something simple like caring about myself, too.
I hated how I couldn’t feel joy, but I could feel like my skin was two sizes too small. I could feel anxiety like it was a live wire animating my flesh.
“Liv, come on, baby. Talk to me.” Casey’s hands came up to cup my shoulders.
Oh, I could feel that. Sex. I could enjoy sex. It took me right out of my head, and when that vampire bit me I didn’t think about anything but pleasure.
I could easily become Casey’s sweet submissive girlfriend.
I was feeling nasty, something deep bubbling inside me. Was he really any different than Myrddin?
Maybe if I made them all hate me, I would get what I wanted. Oblivion.
Or I’d go back to Myrddin and take what he’d given me before and not care. I could sink into the addiction of not having to be me.
“There’s nothing to talk about. You’re all fools if you think you can find my soul and stuff it back inside me and I’ll be some happy girlfriend again.” I knocked back the drink, the alcohol burning its way down my throat.
“I don’t think you’ll be happy,” Casey corrected. “I think you’ll finally be able to heal.”
“There’s no healing, Casey.” I forced myself to move away from him. Sinking into another addiction wouldn’t help me any.
I could be by myself. Hell, maybe I would go wherever the house was going. Maybe I could find a painting and fall into it and all my problems would be solved. I could find that witch plane Kelsey had talked about, the one where they enslaved men. I could be happy there.
Not without your soul, you can’t.
“There’s not any healing at all if you reject your soul.” Casey’s arms crossed over his chest as he studied me. “It’s not gone. I know you think it is, but it doesn’t work that way. I’ve been studying and I know we can find it. Myrddin can say he used it for fuel all he likes, but he cannot destroy a soul. A soul is sacrosanct. As far as I can tell it’s the only thing in all the planes that is indestructible. So we need to figure out where it’s hiding. I wish it had come to me, but I’m not a good vessel. Apparently all I can handle is my own.”