Total pages in book: 91
Estimated words: 87904 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 440(@200wpm)___ 352(@250wpm)___ 293(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 87904 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 440(@200wpm)___ 352(@250wpm)___ 293(@300wpm)
“Holy shit.”
“Yeah,” I said. “He had been saving up for years to start his own bar, and in one night, he wasted half of that money on me.”
“Fuck,” she whispered.
“I can still remember the look in his eyes. I was supposed to meet his mom later that week. It never happened, of course,” I said. “Everything could have been so different.”
“I’m so sorry, Liam,” Katie said, her voice soft.
“He did love me, Katie,” I finally admitted. “He really loved me. But I broke him. He had to leave, and even then, I understood why. Later that month he was gone, moved here to Kansas.”
Katie leaned over, wrapping her arms around me in a tight hug. I felt dissociated as I spoke about my history with Red, like I was floating somewhere above my own body. I hadn’t told anyone the details about our relationship. It was always too painful, too personal, too much. Katie was my best friend and she still hadn’t known until now.
After he left LA, I’d tried to pay Red back. Within the next couple years, I’d made enough porn money that I could easily have written Red a couple checks and paid him back more than enough to cover my hospital bills.
But he’d always refused. And after a while, he stopped responding to my calls and emails at all. He was truly gone from my life, no matter how hard I tried to remedy what I’d done.
So I’d thrown myself into two things: my porn career, and partying so hard most nights that the real world slipped away. The last ten years had been a meteoric rise—I made more money every year, I got more famous in the porn community, I gained more friends.
But I spent most of the money as soon as it came in. A lot of the “friends” only seemed to hang around while I had a 24/7 party constantly surrounding me, only to fade away this month when I stopped drinking.
Passing thoughts of Red ached like an open wound. For the last ten years I’d tried to cauterize the wound, to forget him, to pretend I’d never loved him anyway.
Of course I had, though. I’d never loved anyone in the same way. Now all of the feelings still felt fresh.
The last ten years had been a mirage I was hiding behind.
“If you connected that well in the past, Red will warm up to you,” Katie said.
I let my fingertips slide over a tiny rip in my jeans. My leg was still bouncing, and Katie reached out and squeezed my knee. I focused my eyes on the circle of multicolored stars she had tattooed around her wrist.
“I’m always going to be here for you, Liam,” she said. “Even if I’m miles away in LA I’m a call away.”
“I know,” I said. “You’re an actual angel.”
“A devilish angel,” she said. “How many angels have as many tattoos as I do?”
“Tattoos have nothing to do with how angelic a person is,” I said, taking a deep breath and leaning back. “I’m going to miss the hell out of you.”
“You’re going to be fine without me,” she said. “You need this place. It feels healing, being here. So much open land. Long, winding, hilly roads. And, uh... so many cows.”
“There are a lot of cows here,” I agreed. “No wonder Red is even more of a cowboy now. He used to wear the boots, but… he really looks the part these days.”
I could barely even think about how good he’d looked tonight without my heart slamming against my chest.
“If Red gives you the cold shoulder, find somebody else. This place is going to be good for you, even if you can’t have him as a friend.”
“I hope so.”
“There have to be a ton of hot guys here. Ones who work on ranches and shit, right?”
I snorted. “I’m sure there are hot guys, but that’s the last thing I want.”
“Yeah, right. I know you better than that.”
“I’m serious,” I said. “I need to be single, get Hardy Productions started, and live my life. For the first fucking time.”
3
Red
“Anna! Elsa! Let’s go! Time for a walk!”
The sound of two Great Danes bounding across the hardwood floor clattered through the house, and in another moment, my dogs were running circles around me in the entryway.
“Hold still for the leash,” I told Elsa, who had started her usual crazed whining before a walk.
I loved my girls more than anything, and they loved going for runs with me. Today was my one day off this week, so I was going to take the long route, a pathway that looped up and down hills around Copper Ranch.
And damn, I needed a refreshing run after the week I’d had.
As I was walking out the front door my phone rang. I glanced down and saw that it was a group video call from Mom and Rock.