Total pages in book: 151
Estimated words: 145823 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 729(@200wpm)___ 583(@250wpm)___ 486(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 145823 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 729(@200wpm)___ 583(@250wpm)___ 486(@300wpm)
Paisley’s lower lip trembled. “I didn’t mean to do that.”
“At what point did you remember that I loved him, Paisley? Was it when your daddy made his funeral all about Will’s love for you? His sacrifice so your husband could live? Was it when I held you up at the gravesite as they buried the only man I’ve ever loved?” My voice cracked.
“Morgan,” she whispered.
“You want to know why I can’t bear to be around you? It’s because every time I see your face and hear you gush about how damned happy you are, all I can think is how fucking unfair everything is!” Tears stung my eyes. “You got Jagger back. Ember got Josh. Sam has Grayson, and I have a fucking truck that I can’t sit in without having an anxiety attack!”
She reached for me, and I stepped back. It wasn’t in her nature to watch suffering and do nothing about it, but in this case, there was nothing she could do.
“Do you know what causes complicated grief?”
“It’s a breakdown in the grieving process,” Paisley answered, letting her hand fall back to her side. “Usually caused by an overwhelming guilt that you could have stopped the death from happening or the inability to accept the injustice of it. I read up when you told me why Sam was here. I would have come if you’d let me. I would have stayed with you.”
I ignored her last two statements. “Your happily-ever-after came at the expense of mine. That’s why I can’t be around you. That’s why I’m still crippled by a grief that you all think about from time to time. And I would never want you to feel this! Not in a million years would I ever wish this kind of debilitating pain on you. I wouldn’t trade Jagger’s life for Will’s. How many times have I told you how grateful I am that you still have Jagger?”
“I’ve lost count.” A tear streaked down her face.
“And how many times have you considered what life would be like if the tables had been turned? If Jagger had died for Will? If my happiness had cost yours?”
She startled. “I… We have Peyton.”
“You’re right. You have your gorgeous son, and he has Will’s name. And I…” I shrugged. “I don’t even have the right to grieve him or to be told that he’s getting the Medal of Honor for choosing to die for you instead of living for me.”
“That’s not what I meant. Of course you do! And I know that what you had with Will was complicated, but it breaks my heart for you to think that he was your happily-ever-after when everything was so up in the air with you two, and what you have here—”
“Up in the air? We were finally on the damned ground!”
“What?”
“Paisley, why do you think he left me a secondary life insurance policy? Left me his truck? Left me his wings and his dog tags? It’s because he left me with a promise, too. He drove down to see me before he deployed, and he told me we’d be together when he got home.”
Paisley’s breath rushed out. “I didn’t know.”
Ember’s face twisted, and she blinked back tears.
“You didn’t know a lot. I was the one who held him together after you dumped him. I was the one who had his wings engraved and then pinned them on his chest. I was the one he kissed the night of the flight school graduation ball, the one he gave a silver wings necklace to, and the one he kissed for the last time days before he died. I was the last phone call he made before that goddamned flight, Paisley, so don’t you sit there and tell me that I didn’t lose my chance. You were so lost in your own happiness that you didn’t even know I had it to begin with.”
My stomach turned at the realization that this rift had started way before Will’s death. It had been growing since she’d moved up to Fort Campbell. Funny, how I’d always stayed behind for her, but she’d left at the first opportunity.
“Oh God, Morgan,” she whispered.
“I was shattered and barely breathing, but I held it together during that funeral, and then I kept breathing when you shit all over my dream and pulverized my feelings between your sweet little fingers when you said he was never meant to be mine anyway.”
“Wait. What?” She moved forward again, and I retreated, keeping our little dance. “Morgan, I never said he wasn’t meant to be yours. I would never discourage your dream. God, we all saw the way he looked at you, the way you drove him crazy. I knew that if anyone could break through that shell he kept around his soul, it would be you. It would have been you.”