Total pages in book: 77
Estimated words: 71246 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 356(@200wpm)___ 285(@250wpm)___ 237(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 71246 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 356(@200wpm)___ 285(@250wpm)___ 237(@300wpm)
Stooping down, I bring myself to her eye level, and rather than facing rejection for not having the courage to lift her up, she throws her arms around me, and I am rewarded and brought in.
I close my eyes and breathe in her goodness and smells. I wrap my arms around her, and she crushes me more tightly, causing her to giggle, which inspires a giggle of my own.
It is as if I’m holding myself as I squeeze her. Holding the little girl that I could have been and should have been had it not been for such restrictive disciplines and damaging experiences. I desperately want to believe that hugging a baby is a normal thing for this family. I also want to believe that when I stand up and look them in the eyes again, they won’t view me differently, punishing me in some way, large or subtle for stepping outside of bounds, and that I will not have lost my place with them.
“Oh, look, here comes Kayla. I think she wants in on the action.”
The women chuckle as Kayla, a similar size toddler to Maggie, comes over and squeezes both my neck and Maggie’s, making it a group hug.
Now the waterworks really start. I’m literally eaten up with joy. I could not have imagined a better, more welcoming experience than this. I glance up at the women, tears in my eyes, grinning as they smile at me. I see my joy reflecting back to me in their eyes as they convey to me that I’m okay. That it is okay to be here.
That is all the permission I need. I move to sit on the floor with them and let them crawl up into my lap.
“Is okay, no cry,” Maggie reassures me as she puts both hands on my cheeks and kisses me on the side of my mouth.
Kayla does the same, mimicking Maggie, and places both hands on Maggie’s cheeks, and kisses her, which makes all of us laugh.
I have never been happier in my entire life, ever. I want to stay here forever.
“So, I see we have a cuddle party going on in here.” It is Lex, teasing and chuckling.
“Maybe?” I offer back, laughing at him. My eyes are shining, and I quickly wipe the moisture from them.
Kayla comes in for another hug against my body, and Maggie joins her as they perch on my knees. I squeeze the last bit of happiness out of them before they get up. I know I need to join the others and be one of the adults, but this moment of magic is something I may have needed all my life. It will definitely be one I will savor for all time.
I find myself wondering if this is the way of the world for them. It is hard to trust. I do not know them, I can’t relax and enjoy it, beyond the children, just yet. It is undoubtedly the kind of warmth and connection and camaraderie I have always imagined real families would have.
I stand up, and Lex sweeps me into a bear hug.
“Babies on you is a damn good look.” He grins and winks as my heart flip flops, and I blush. When he sets me down, my hand instinctively goes to my belly, and I know that he cannot understand how important his words are. But he probably just gave me the biggest compliment I have ever had.
I shake my head to clear it. No more tears. I do not want them to see that far into me right now.
“I think everybody is ready to gather at the table. You gals ready, or do you need some more girl time?” Lex’s voice is warm and encouraging. Not one hint of disapproval for not being ready and waiting when the men are ready to start.
“If we have any more girl time, we are going to have a cold dinner.” Jules laughs as she picks up a platter and hands it to me, motioning me in toward the living room where they have set up a big table.
I take the pan from her and head in as everyone else grabs something to bring also.
After I set the platter of scalloped potatoes down on one of the hot pads, I look around, not knowing which chair I should sit in. I turn back to look at Lex and watch as he settles the two girls into their highchairs at a table set up for them at the foot of the table.
“Come on, missy, you are going to sit right here next to me. Place of honor. Lex can sit on the other side of me. He has you all the time, so tonight, you are all mine. That is, if you don’t mind crusty old Miller as your date?”
I grin back at him. “I don’t mind one single, solitary bit, and, in fact, it is an equal honor.” My heart eases, and I feel grateful to be claimed by the family’s leader. For the first time in my life, someone has indicated my consent was needed.