Total pages in book: 128
Estimated words: 126850 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 634(@200wpm)___ 507(@250wpm)___ 423(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 126850 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 634(@200wpm)___ 507(@250wpm)___ 423(@300wpm)
“Doesn’t it?” she asked quietly. “She always put everyone else first. It doesn’t make sense to us, but we can’t possibly imagine how she felt. They wanted more kids, right?”
I nodded. “I always knew they wanted more than one baby, but it never happened. Obviously, now I know why.”
“Right. Then your mum not only had her own wish taken away from her, but your dad’s, too. It’s not rational to us, but we can’t put ourselves in her shoes to understand why she felt that way.”
“I know that.” I sighed and grabbed a pillow, hugging it to me. “And I get it. It’s not like I don’t understand. I both study and live in this weird patriarchal society, I just wish it wasn’t so…” I trailed off.
“Patriarchal,” Amber finished for me.
“I guess. This just changes everything I thought I knew about their relationship, and I don’t know how to feel about it. I’m so… pissed off.”
Amber pulled me into a hug, placing my cheek on her shoulder as she patted the side of my head. “You’re allowed to be pissed off, Grace. Both your dad and your grandma watched you reject a huge part of your life because of how you felt about your parents’ divorce, and neither one of them thought to tell you what really happened. I understand why they didn’t, but I also know what this is doing to you.”
I stared at the corner of the coffee table. “I don’t think any differently of my mum. Like you said, I don’t know how that must have been for her, but I… I don’t know, Amb. How different would things be if I didn’t think Dad abandoned us just because of Vincent?”
“I suppose one good thing is that you and Vincent don’t have a bad relationship despite all those feelings.”
“Well, it was never his fault,” I said. “He was just a baby, and as annoying as he can be, he’s not a bad kid.”
“Exactly. And you were probably never going to have a good relationship with Carmen regardless, because she was determined to be your mum after she died, and she just didn’t get the hint. Your relationship with your dad would probably be better, but that’s something you can work on now. It’s not too late for that.”
I nodded. “But me? How I see relationships? That’s forever damaged by what I believed. How do I change how I see them?”
“Do you mean how you see them in general, or how you see them with aristocrats?”
“You’re supposed to be helping me, not pointing out technicalities.”
Amber laughed, reaching up to pat my cheek. “I think that, if you’re open to considering a relationship with William, you need to speak to him about all of this.”
“That’s a lot to dump on someone.”
“He already knows most of it. It’s no different to telling me what you just did. What’s he going to do, tell you that you’re not worth the hassle?”
“He might do. You couldn’t blame him if he did.”
Amber picked up one of the throw pillows from the other side of the couch and hit me with it. “That! Stop it!” She shoved me off her, so I had to sit up properly. “Who is this moping, miserable bitch? It’s not my best friend, that’s for sure. She’s funny and intelligent and kind and knows her self-worth.”
I sighed, fighting back a smile.
“You’re gonna get hurt,” she continued. “No matter who you go out with, there’s a chance it won’t work out. It sucks. You move on. You know what you don’t move on from? The one who got away.”
I stilled.
“That’s the one you always wonder about. You’re a whole mess, worrying over things you’d have no need to worry about if you just spoke to him about it. If he doesn’t want you, then he’s the idiot here, not you. And if he does want you, Grace, then he knows what’s up, and it’s something you can work on together.”
“I suppose you’re right.”
“That’s the problem with kids these days. Nobody communicates.”
“Kids these days? We’re the same age!” I laughed and looked over at my phone. “You’re right. And I guess it’s not like I have to jump head-first into anything.”
“Well, you might as well. You’ve already shagged the guy.”
“You do that before dating.”
Amber bobbed her head. “Damn right. You wouldn’t buy a car without taking it for a test drive. I’m just test-driving potential boyfriends by taking them for a spin around the bedroom, that’s all.”
I grinned. “A very effective way of weeding out the weak.”
“I did think so.” She examined her nails. “So… Are you going to talk to William?”
With another glance at my phone, I said, “I think so, yes. You’re right with that you said last night—he’s always been respectful of my boundaries, and he never pushed, even when I moved them. More than anything, I’m freaking out when I don’t even know where he’s at.”