The Problem With Pretending Read Online Emma Hart

Categories Genre: Contemporary, Funny Tags Authors:
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Total pages in book: 128
Estimated words: 126850 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 634(@200wpm)___ 507(@250wpm)___ 423(@300wpm)
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I pressed my lips together and closed my eyes, trying desperately not to laugh.

“That’s one way to break the ice,” William replied, and I turned in time to see him take her hand and kiss it. “Forgive me, but I don’t remember you, so it’s lovely to meet you again.”

“Of course you’ve forgotten. I do blend in with the crowd.”

“You’re wearing yellow trousers with lime green wellies,” I pointed out.

“I’ll see if someone can take your bags up to your room, Olive,” Morag said. “Pass me your coat, dear, I’ll hang it up while you catch up with Grace.” She winked at me, taking the coat, and walked out of the room.

“Right,” Granny said, pulling up one of the chairs that was yet to be tied. “What are you doing here? And don’t tell me you were invited. I know your dad said you wouldn’t be coming.”

“How do you know that?” I asked, re-tying William’s bow. “There. I’ll do this, you’re crap at it.”

He mock-saluted me and took the chair.

“I called him when I found out you were here, wondering if he was bringing his demon wife and their spawn,” Granny replied. “He didn’t know you were here either. So, what are you doing here? I didn’t think you’d spoken to the Glenrochs in years. Morag certainly never mentioned it to me.”

“I haven’t. It’s his fault.” I pointed at William, sliding over to another chair to tie the bow on that one, too. “We walked into each other outside a coffee shop, he replaced my coffee and conned me into giving him my number—”

“Conned is a bit strong of a word,” William interjected. “I saw my chance and I took it.”

Granny nodded sagely. “Very wise.”

“—And then he begged me to come here. Mind you, neither of us recognised the other one or I’d have told him where to stick it,” I finished. “But if anyone asks, we met at a mutual friend’s engagement party.”

“Yes. Morag did mention that you’re in a relationship. I assume it’s a load of codswallop.”

If you didn’t count the kissing earlier, sure.

“What’s a load of codswallop?” Katie asked, joining us in the ballroom. “Olive! It’s been so long!”

Granny’s face lit up and she got to her feet. “Katie, dear! How are you?”

“Better when this wedding is done,” Katie answered. “What’s a load of codswallop?”

“Their relationship,” Granny replied. “Oh, balls. Does she know?”

“Yes,” I said wearily. “But please stop shouting about it, because not everyone does.”

She sighed. “This is exhausting for me. I shall just pretend you’re really seeing each other and ask you when you’re going to have babies.”

I stared at her. “Please don’t.”

Granny looked between us, her eyes twinkling. “You would make very beautiful babies.”

“Watch it,” I warned her. “I’m the one who gets to choose your nursing home.”

“You won’t put me in a nursing home. You’ll let me live in your spare room.”

“Absolutely not.”

“Why not? Amber lives with you for free. Why can’t I?”

“One freeloader is enough,” I retorted, making both Katie and William smile. “If you’ve spoken to Dad, you know Carmen and Vincent are coming?”

The look on her face said it all. “I hope she wears white so there’s a legitimate reason to spill red wine on her dress.”

Katie coughed back a laugh. “I’m going to have to check the seating plan to make sure you’re nowhere near each other for dinner.”

“No, please, let us sit together,” Granny replied. “I want to watch her squirm.”

I moved to the next row of chairs to keep tying their bows, shaking my head.

William picked up the ribbons and passed me one. “She really doesn’t like her, does she?”

“Would you?” I asked, looking at him pointedly.

“No,” he replied after a second. “I suppose not. Are we going to have to keep them apart?”

“No. Carmen will likely acknowledge her, but Granny will take great pleasure in pretending she has no idea who she is.” I moved to the next bow. “Granny will behave. Mostly.”

“If not, we’ll sit her with my aunt Cecelia.”

“Is she the one who talks about the body parts she’s had removed?”

He tapped the top of my head. “Genius. Yes, she is. We’ll put Carmen with her. Hey, Mum.” He looked over me at her. “Put Carmen and Vincent with Aunt Cecelia.”

Katie’s eyes lit up. “Excellent idea. She has a never-ending book of stories about all the body parts she’s had removed.”

“Never mind Carmen,” Granny said. “Sit her with me. That sounds interesting.”

I looked at William. “At least it’ll keep her busy. She can’t cause carnage if she’s busy.”

“I don’t cause carnage,” Granny called over. “Carnage finds me.”

“That’s what she tells everyone,” I added. “It’s not true.”

William fought back a smile. “Is that what you’re going to be like in fifty years?”

“You wish you could find out.” I snorted and moved onto the next line. I was in a rhythm tying these bows. “No. Nobody needs another Granny around.”


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