Total pages in book: 127
Estimated words: 122219 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 611(@200wpm)___ 489(@250wpm)___ 407(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 122219 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 611(@200wpm)___ 489(@250wpm)___ 407(@300wpm)
I held him tighter because I knew that feeling.
I knew it too well.
I knew it too deeply.
The feeling of resentment for a loved one dying. The feeling of abandonment. The feeling of emptiness.
No child should’ve lost a parent at such a young age. It was unfair and cruel of life to allow such things to happen.
I noticed Nathan appear in the doorway. His beautiful brown eyes were packed with worry and concern. He started to walk toward us, but I shook my head and mouthed, “He’ll be okay.”
I meant it, too.
If I knew anything about healing, it was the fact that sometimes one had to fall apart before they could fall back together again.
I held Cameron that night for as long as he allowed me. It could’ve been forty-five minutes. It could’ve been an hour. I didn’t know. I wasn’t counting. I was just holding him. Letting him know that he wasn’t alone.
36
NATHAN
When Avery came out of my bedroom, she shut the door behind her. When she turned to face the hallway, she found me sitting against the wall across from my room.
Her eyes were teary, but she smiled a little. Not the happy kind of smile, though. The kind of smile that broke hearts.
I stood. “You okay?” I asked.
She parted her lips to speak, but instead of words, a small whimper fell from her. She shut her eyes and shook her head as she whispered, “That poor boy.” Her hand covered her mouth as she began to cry, and I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her into me. “It’s not fair.” She quietly cried against my shoulder blade. “It’s not fair.”
We went into her bedroom to talk, closing the door behind us. I sat on her bed beside her as she fiddled with her fingers.
“I feel like a shitty person for not paying close enough attention to him after he lost his mom. I think maybe I avoided it because I feared it would unlock some hard emotions within me, and I wasn’t ready to face those feelings. It was selfish of me,” Avery whispered.
“You’re human. You also didn’t know everything that he was going through.”
“Yeah, but I should’ve noticed. I should’ve pieced it all together.”
“You can’t beat yourself up for not knowing, Ave. That’s not fair to anyone. And when he needed you the most tonight, you were there. Those are the moments that matter.”
She sighed and allowed her head to fall against my shoulder. I wrapped my arm around her waist and pulled her in closer. “I was ten when my mom passed away.”
“You never told me what happened with her.”
“That’s because it’s still one of the hardest things to speak about.” She bit her bottom lip. “She passed away from complications during labor with Willow. I’ll never forget when Daddy told us the news. Our grandmother was staying with us while he was at the hospital with Mama. Yara and I were so excited about having a new sister any time now, yet I didn’t fully understand what it meant when Daddy came home with Willow and without Mama. The look in his eyes will forever be burned into my memory. I remember him setting down in the car seat with sweet Willow resting inside it.
“I remember Grandma’s whimpers as she covered her mouth in disbelief. I remember Yara moving to Willow with a big smile and a bracelet she’d made for our little sister. I remember her asking where Mama was. I remember Daddy crashing down to the floor—just as Cameron did. I remember him calling Yara and me over to him. I remember him telling us he loved us. He kept saying that. He kept saying that he loved us. And then I asked him when Mama was coming home. I asked if she had to stay at the hospital to get better. He just cried more and told me that he loved us so much.”
“I’m so sorry, Avery…” The words fell from my tongue, but they felt empty. Condolences didn’t do much at the end of the day. They didn’t bring back the ones who were lost. They didn’t heal the cracks within one’s spirit.
She wiped her tears. “It was traumatic. On top of that, we had a newborn baby in the house that needed all of Daddy’s attention. He didn’t even get to grieve properly because he knew he still had to raise three daughters.”
“I still think your father is one of the strongest men I’ve ever come across.”
“Oh gosh.” She blew out a big breath. “Everything I know about love, I’ve learned from my father. He’s not even my biological father, but you could never tell me any different. I am his, and he is mine. He’s Superman. He’s the definition of what a real man is, but still, he’s only human. Sometimes, I’d wake up from hearing Willow crying, and I’d sneak into the nursery to find him sitting in the rocking chair, crying tears against her face as he sang her mama’s favorite lullabies. He’d be whispering…” She placed a hand against her heartbeat, shaking her head slowly. “He’d be whispering to her that she was loved, too. So deeply loved and how he was so thankful that she existed.”