Total pages in book: 190
Estimated words: 181992 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 910(@200wpm)___ 728(@250wpm)___ 607(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 181992 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 910(@200wpm)___ 728(@250wpm)___ 607(@300wpm)
“The press …” Trailing off, Brooks shook his head in disgust. “Whenever Bale ended up in the headlines again, reporters would lurk outside Dax’s house or school. Can you imagine having perfect strangers snap pictures of you and push recorders into your face, asking for comments on what it’s like to have Michael Bale as a granddaddy?
“Making it worse, there were a couple of journalists who pounced on how he was always fighting and getting expelled, implying the violence came from Bale’s influence; that Dax might even follow in his footsteps. The truth was that Dax was just retaliating, but those reporters made him out to be the monster.”
My chest clenched as I pictured a little boy being targeted by kids who tried making him prey; a little boy who’d fought back rather than let those predators break him … only for him to be blamed for it all. Blamed for being bullied. It was fucked up.
“Those same reporters had ‘sources’ who gave them lots of details. It was hard to know who was leaking that stuff, though—it could have been teachers, students, neighbors, friends, family,” said Brooks. “That kind of betrayal, that feeling of not being sure who exactly you could trust … it leaves its mark, you know?”
Of course it would. I knew about betrayal, though not quite to this extent. But I was familiar with the wounds it left.
“All of this changed because, over the years, Dax became someone to fear. Notorious in his own right. People don’t look at him and see Bale anymore, no, they see someone who’d they be suicidal to fuck with. But Dax pulled inward during that personal journey. He trusts maybe a handful of people. There’s only so close you can get to someone like that,” Brooks warned, his tone careful.
I slowly nodded. “I understand that.”
“You think you get it. You think you’ll be okay with it because it didn’t bother you years ago. But that was a fling—you didn’t have to care that it would be shallow and temporary. A marriage isn’t temporary. But with Dax, it could still be shallow.
“He keeps his circle small. You’d be part of it if you married him, Addie, but it wouldn’t automatically follow that you’d be part of that circle emotionally. He has such a defensive internal structure that he’s pretty much wired to keep people out.”
“You’re saying it’s not only subconsciously instinctive for him to hold back, he likely wouldn’t make any conscious attempt to let me close in even the most basic way,” I surmised.
“Yes. He was different with Gracie, but not in the beginning. She had a hell of a time reaching him. That’s just how he is.”
I chewed on my bottom lip. “It’s nothing close to a surprise that he’d have such self-defense mechanisms, given all that went on in his life. To have so much negative attention centered on you growing up when you’re developing a sense of self …”
“Caelan and Drey had to deal with some of that crap when kids, too. But Dax had it the worst.”
“The media attention eased after Bale was executed,” I remembered.
“Yeah. That led to the family finally getting some peace. And, as I said before, people don’t associate Dax with Bale anymore. Same goes for his brothers. Drey’s talent on the field is admired far and wide. People from all over to get a tattoo from Caelan. But there are times when their connection to Bale leaks onto their lives again in minor ways.
“You may have to deal with that, too, Addie. Not to the same extent. Dax is so much of a powerful presence nowadays that people don’t harass him for fear of repercussions, though he still hears from journalists occasionally. I think you could handle all that. My question is whether you’ll think it’s worth it later on down the line if you feel like an outsider in your own marriage.”
“So you don’t think I should marry him?”
“I never said that,” Brooks quickly clarified. “I just want your eyes to be wide open. Would he make a good husband? Objectively speaking, yeah, I think he would. They don’t come more loyal than Dax. He’s a man who’d do his best to ensure nothing negative touched his woman. He would never purposely put her through any pain. But he also might never give her all of himself. I say might, because things could play out differently for you.”
“But you don’t think they will.”
He winced. “Much as I hate to say it, no. You may truly be okay with there never being any love between you. But I would think you’ll want a warm companionship, if nothing else. You might struggle to get it. It’s something you should be prepared for.”
“Okay.” I supposed I should feel put-off by all Brooks said. Even a year ago, I would have been. But as Alicia had speculated, it could be easier to build something with someone who lacked the power to hurt you. Dax didn’t have it, and he’d never seek it.