Total pages in book: 57
Estimated words: 55048 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 275(@200wpm)___ 220(@250wpm)___ 183(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 55048 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 275(@200wpm)___ 220(@250wpm)___ 183(@300wpm)
“No, we’re doing it now,” I said. “It’s an easy question, Luke. Where have you been?”
I was relieved to see him, but shaking with fury at his absolute disregard for me. Did he think I wouldn’t worry? My brother was a grown-ass adult and we shouldn’t have been having this conversation.
“I got high,” he said, his tone defeated. “Dad’s right. I’m just a loser junkie.”
“Dad has never said that.”
Luke shrugged. “He thinks it.”
I shook my head, now one-hundred-percent pissed off. “How fucking dare you? Dad doesn’t want to give you money that you’ll use to slowly kill yourself, and I don’t blame him for that.”
“You kicking me out?” Luke asked.
I hesitated, torn. If I kicked him out, he’d end up somewhere awful like a drug house. No matter how angry I was, I couldn’t deny him the safety of my apartment. Here, he could eat, shower, and sleep. And if he ended up in a bad situation, I wanted him to come to me for help.
“No,” I said, the fight draining out of me. “No, I won’t kick you out.”
He nodded, his eyes full of shame. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize to me.”
“You’re the last person who believed in me, and I let you down.”
I sat down next to him at the table. “Addiction is real, you know. People die from it every day.”
“I know.”
“And CTE is real.”
He nodded as he scooped up the last Lucky Charms marshmallow in his bowl.
“It’s hard for me to believe I could have a different life,” he said. “Impossible, really. The headaches and mood swings are who I am. And drugs and gambling are how I cope. This is it.”
“It’s only it if you let it be.”
He slumped in his chair. “You really think I should go to rehab?”
“Yes.”
“I just don’t see it changing anything,” he said, looking away.
“Then you’re no worse off than when you started. You have to want to change or it won’t work.”
He sighed heavily. “When I woke up yesterday morning, I was so disgusted with myself. I couldn’t face you. I knew you were probably worried, so I just got high again so I wouldn’t have to care.”
“I was worried,” I confirmed. “And I hate watching you treat yourself this way.”
“I’m exhausted, and I need a shower. I know you want to talk some more, but can it wait?”
I nodded. “Sure, and also, just so you’re aware, Ford’s coming over tonight.”
“Oh, for dinner?” He brightened.
“No, just…to see me.”
Luke grinned. “That’s great. He seems like a really good guy.”
I remembered the column that had been in yesterday’s newspaper, and the fact that Ford hadn’t called or texted since he left early that morning. I’d decided to write what I would have written if I didn’t know Ford, hard as it was.
“At least, I hope he’s still coming,” I said as I got up.
The sugar high of my last iced tea was wearing off, and I was tired. I wanted to sleep for about ten hours, but I also wanted to be awake for my evening with Ford.
I went over to the counter and started a pot of coffee as Luke rinsed his cereal bowl and put it in the dishwasher.
“Why wouldn’t he be coming?” Luke asked. “And why are you making coffee?”
“The coffee is because I was up really late worrying about my asshole brother.”
He nodded, looking sheepish.
“A column ran yesterday about my opposition to the incentive package the Coyotes owner is seeking from the city for the new arena. I don’t think Ford was thrilled with it, and he hasn’t texted since then.”
“Then fuck him.”
“That’s easy for you to say,” I said sadly.
“Do you really like him?”
“I do. He makes me feel…like everything about me is just right. I’ve never felt that way with a man before.” I swallowed against the lump in my throat. “And even if he shows up tonight, I guess…I’d rather not see him than to have him look me in the eye and tell me I disappointed him. That he expected my support.”
“He has no right to expect your support. It’s not like you guys are engaged.”
I sighed heavily. “What about expecting me to not be a vocal opponent? Is that reasonable for him to expect?”
Luke shook his head. “Your job is to be vocal and opinionated. He knew that going in, and he knew you were opposed to the arena.”
“Did you guys talk about that?”
“Yeah, we did. He didn’t say much. He was just telling me about how you guys met and how he found out who you were.”
I squeezed my hands into fists, angry at nothing and everything all at once. “I hate that he plays hockey. I shouldn’t have let myself have feelings for a hockey player.”
“Feelings don’t work that way.”
I felt my nails digging into my skin as I squeezed my fists harder. “No, but actions do. I could have taken different actions. I should have.”