Total pages in book: 99
Estimated words: 96198 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 481(@200wpm)___ 385(@250wpm)___ 321(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 96198 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 481(@200wpm)___ 385(@250wpm)___ 321(@300wpm)
However, I need more time. I’m sure there’s something my mother is leaving out and I’m still trying to figure that out. I’m not the only one playing the board.
“Come on. We’re done here,” I say.
“Yeah, okay, I think you’re right.”
Her words cause my stomach to sink. I remember that she’s always a step ahead of me, no matter how many steps ahead of everyone else I am.
If I don’t think fast, I might lose her. That’s not an option. It’s never been an option.
CHAPTER 53
You Ask too Much
Nyla
Once my birthday came around, I told myself I’d leave. However, every time I try, I feel sick to my stomach. I don’t know how to tear my own heart out.
Although today, standing in that nursery looking into that empty crib, it did something to me. I’m allowing my life to go by and I’m not even sure why. My father’s last words play in my head.
Live your life, Ny.
We pull up to the house and Jace puts the truck into park. Gio turns to me as he sits beside me in the back seat. He places a hand on the back of my neck. I close my eyes and hold back the tears.
The ride here was silent. I’ve had plenty of time with my thoughts.
“Talk to me.”
“I haven’t been living my life. This isn’t what I wanted. I don’t know what I want anymore. Everything has been about revenge and hurt. I don’t want to hurt anymore, Gio.” I can’t stop now that the words are flowing.
“I don’t want this bloodlust. I want to give life, not take it. I want to be in the moment, not planning for ten moments in the future. How did I lose myself like this?”
“I know it’s been a long time. My patience is running out too. You think I don’t want to be married to you already? I’m working with what I’ve been given.”
“I’m thirty-five, Gio. I want babies. Time doesn’t move backward. It only goes forward.”
“I know, Nyla. I know.”
“Do you even want to have a family with me? With us?”
He furrows his brows. “I…I’m going to be honest. I don’t want to have children in this life we live, but for you, I’d do it.”
I lick my lips. “No, you don’t get the question. Or at least, I didn’t say what I mean.”
“What do you mean?” he asks, looking more confused.
“I did some research and found there’s a way for me to conceive and carry a baby from each of you at the same time. They would be twins, but from separate eggs and you would each be a father to one of them.”
“Ny,” he grinds out.
“It’s not guaranteed, but she’s found a way to increase our chances,” Jace starts.
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. You know about this?”
“Yeah, superfecundation twins. We have a one and thirteen thousand chance, but that’s when it happens by accident. If we’re actively doing this, I think we have a better chance. It’s possible.”
“Fuck outa here. And if one of us gets her pregnant and the other one doesn’t. What then?”
“I’d love them no matter who the father is.”
“Jace,” Gio drags out. “If you don’t shut the fuck up. Both of you can stop talking to me. I give an inch and you take off running a mile.
“A wedding and a handfasting, I was thinking about caving on that. Maybe once this is over, we can do that.”
“But what about a baby?”
“Shit, Ny. Maybe we can freeze a few eggs since we don’t know when we can be done with all of this.”
“So maybe you’ll marry me and maybe we can have a baby. Do you hear how that sounds to a woman five years out from forty, with no end to this in sight? I’ve given up my entire life. I’ve loved you more than myself.”
Tears start to fall. He drags a hand through his hair then cracks his knuckles. He reaches to cup my face.
“How long do I have to process this? I feel you slipping away.”
“You take all the time you need, Gio. I’m going to work on me. I’ve done so much wrong. Your mom once gave me some great advice I should have listened to. So while you decide what you want, I’m going to be working on that advice, but I won’t be waiting on you or anyone else.”
“Why does that sound like you’re leaving us?”
“Hear whatever you need to hear.”
“What do you need to hear?”
I scoff. “Oh no, boo. I’m not giving you the strings to pull me, my dear puppet master. I’ve danced enough for you.
“You find what we need from you and I’m not talking about Jace. I’m talking about you and me because you forgot about me somewhere along the line. This thing, it’s all you think about, all you want.