Total pages in book: 184
Estimated words: 176002 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 880(@200wpm)___ 704(@250wpm)___ 587(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 176002 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 880(@200wpm)___ 704(@250wpm)___ 587(@300wpm)
“So A LOT!” Dad says, but his words are weaker now. He puts his head in his hands, and his armour breaks. He wraps an arm around Mum’s shoulder and he cries along with her, and it’s too much for me. I let silent tears of my own roll free.
“I was going to tell you,” I say again. “I was going to tell you all about my life now, and share the truth. I hoped you’d be happy for me. I wanted to tell you the truth in person, and I wanted to give you the chance to understand.” I clear my throat, fighting back sobs. “But you know what? Pictures speak louder than words. Call up my photo gallery, Mum.”
She’s still gripping my phone.
“Mum, call up my photo gallery. Scroll through and see how much of a broken, exploited whore I look, holed up with my pimp, if that’s what you think he is.”
She does it, and thank God she does.
They’ve seen pictures of me with Josh before, but not many of them, and definitely not such a natural stream of the day to day.
I watch as she stares at the first picture, one of me in my PJs on the sofa, laughing as Josh took a snap of me in silly fluffy cat socks. Dad looks too, and they scroll. So many pictures of happiness. Selfies where I’m glowing, Josh grinning next to me. Snaps of us in London, travelling proud. Me posing before nights out, and capturing pictures of Josh smiling at me in pure adoration. Him in the kitchen making us coffees. Him cooking. Us eating a string of spaghetti between us like in Lady and the Tramp. Videos of us laughing. Joking. Me holding my sides, tears in my eyes because he’s set me off in crazy giggles.
Love.
Laughter.
Pride.
Happiness.
“Keep going,” I say. “See what life was like before.”
I know what will be coming.
Me, emaciated. Miserable. Pictures of Connor playing guitar on our bed in the shithole shared room we could barely afford. Me, a weak little thing, trying my best to smile happily at his side at gigs. Failing.
I look like a broken shell on every single one. I just didn’t see it back then.
“That’s enough, I can’t look through anymore,” Mum says, and puts my phone down. I know what she’s seen. It’s there on the screen. The pictures speak for themselves.
Dad is shaking his head, and for once he’s lost for words himself.
I take advantage of it. I speak the words I wanted to say.
“I’m an entertainer, otherwise known as a high-end prostitute, and my boyfriend is one, too. I love my job. I love my life, and I love Josh. And you will too, if you’re ever willing to give him a chance, but if you’re not…” I choke as I take my phone. “If it’s too much, I understand. If you’re too disappointed in me to accept my life now, then I understand. It’s a lot to take in, and some parents can never accept it. I know. I never meant to hurt you. I’m sorry for that, but I’m not sorry for who I am.”
They are deadly silent, which is so unnerving, it’s untrue. I want to hug them so bad, but I can’t cross the distance. It’s too fragile.
“I’m going now,” I say to Mum and Dad. “Call me, ok. Let me show you my life. At least see my side of the story before you make your decision.”
Mum and Dad are still silent, but they both nod, and part of me hates myself. But I’m not the one who smashed our world apart. It didn’t need to be done like this.
I drop Josh a message, choking back a fresh round of sobs.
Done here, nearly. Connor is waiting in the lobby like a prick. I just hope I can avoid assault charges on my way out.
I really do hope I can get through the lobby without jabbing Connor straight in the jaw.
I get a ping on my way to the door.
I know Connor is waiting in the lobby like a prick, baby. I can see him.
I smile at my phone.
You’re here?
Another ping.
Of course I am.
It will be such a relief to feel his arms around me, even if my heart is torn in two – desperate for the same from Mum and Dad.
I wipe my tears on my sleeve before I leave, and I’m nearly to the doorway when I pause. I’m considering turning around and dashing back, desperate for one hug and a final I’m sorry I disappointed you before I leave, but I don’t get the chance.
Mum reaches me first and throws her arms around me.
I can’t stop crying now. It’s too much.
“Please don’t believe Connor,” I wail. “Please, Mum. Let me show you for myself.”
She nods against my shoulder.