Total pages in book: 143
Estimated words: 132512 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 663(@200wpm)___ 530(@250wpm)___ 442(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 132512 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 663(@200wpm)___ 530(@250wpm)___ 442(@300wpm)
Ned roared and tried to pull away like a bear agitated by fire, but Cole wasn’t letting go.
“That’s how it feels. Do you understand me? Every time I see your face, I remember what you did,” Cole growled, staring straight at Ned. “I’m through with you. I offered you help, but you want all of me, and you won’t get that. No one will!”
He shoved Ned off and rolled to his hands and knees, staring at the scattered popcorn in a daze that made his head spin.
Ned held on to his ear, panting as people looked on, but no one was willing to intervene. Cole’s lungs pumped the overheated air, but as he crawled, itching to get away, his gaze passed over the packet of developed photographs, which must have fallen out of his coat. The paper had ripped, and several pictures had been scattered over the sticky popcorn.
One of them was filled with Ned’s powerful form, gloriously naked in black and white.
Their eyes met over the carnage, and each made a dash for it.
“Then you don’t get to keep me either!” Ned cried, and they butted heads, grabbing the picture at the same time. It ripped when they pulled, sending them to their rears with half the photograph each.
It was like a punch, and while seeing the photograph in pieces filled Cole’s throat with gravel, he leaned forward and slapped Ned’s face hard. The loud smack it produced offered no relief to his aching heart.
“I hate you! You wreck everything I hold dear!”
This time Ned didn’t hit back and got up without looking at Cole.
Gavin cleared his throat nearby and stepped closer. “It’s all good, old chap, I can make another copy.” But even he kept his voice to a whisper, as if Cole were thin glass that could be shattered by sound.
Cole was glad no one else spoke, but he could sense all the hot gazes on him, ripping his clothes to shreds, and then tearing at his flesh until they all could see the ashes and still-burning ruins left in his heart. He gathered all the pictures, including the top half of the torn one, and rose, walking off into the darkness, away from everyone. Away from their presumptions, judgments, and even the kind words they might have offered. They would have meant nothing. He couldn’t change anymore. And nothing in the world could heal him.
He was glad to hear that Ned hadn’t followed him, because he was done talking, explaining, or fighting. He’d been alone from the day the man he loved had betrayed him, and it was time to accept that this would be his life.
He’d fantasized about spending one more night with Ned, but it would have only prolonged both their agony. Just like he’d put a bullet in Thunder’s head himself, he should have taken Tommy and ended whatever he’d had with Ned instead of letting the man burrow into him like a maggot.
Tomorrow, they would finally part. Cole wouldn’t tell Ned where he was headed, and whatever Ned decided to do with his life from then on, wouldn’t be Cole’s problem.
It would be as if they’d never met.
Chapter 22
Cole’s head drummed with barrel fever to the point where he needed to soak his handkerchief with some mint oil in order to settle his stomach for the ride ahead. This morning’s goodbyes had been reserved, which was no wonder, considering the scene he and Ned had made last night. Shame was a constant presence at the back of Cole’s mind when he shook hands and exchanged nods prior to their departure, but even out of his friends’ sight, their disapproval weighed heavily on his shoulders.
After the violent exchange between him and Ned, liquor had been the only solace that wouldn’t offer advice or judge him, so he drank until he’d fallen asleep under one of the wagons and woke chilled to the bone. His throat felt raw, as if he’d been screaming at the top of his lungs, but whatever he’d done when drunk hadn’t been mentioned.
Now he only needed to bear the final hours in Ned’s presence. Once Tommy was safe in the orphanage, he and Ned would go their separate ways, and with the issue of Butcher Tom’s death and Ned’s past betrayal settled, he’d be free to no longer think about either of those things. He’d be truly free to go and do as he pleased.
On his own.
With a blank slate to fill with anything and anyone he desired.
Ned must have borrowed the brocade vest from one of the performers, because he was back to his usual outfit consisting of a brown vest worn over a shirt. And the jacket, which Cole had feared would be left behind in a gesture befitting a scorned lover. But while Ned had bags under the eyes, and hadn’t shaved, he didn’t stink of booze.