Total pages in book: 81
Estimated words: 79798 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 399(@200wpm)___ 319(@250wpm)___ 266(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 79798 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 399(@200wpm)___ 319(@250wpm)___ 266(@300wpm)
She was still quiet.
“Valerie, you’re gorgeous. You can have any man you want, so why can’t you let me go?”
Her eyes moved to the floor again. “Because I can have any man I want, but the one man I want doesn’t want me.”
“So, you only want me because you can’t have me?” That was so childish, it made me sick.
“No…because you’re the only man I’ll ever love.”
I felt pity for her when I shouldn’t, when she didn’t deserve it. But somehow, I did. “I’m sorry…” I didn’t know what else to say. “I’d like to move on, as friends, for the well-being of our son. But you’re making that impossible. I don’t want to hate my son’s mother—”
“You hate me?” Her voice broke.
I didn’t know how to answer that without being cruel. “You make me miserable.”
Her eyes watered.
The silence lasted for minutes, and I watched my ex wipe away her tears and sniffle. Now I felt like the asshole, when I’d finally said the words she needed to hear.
“I just feel like you never really gave me a chance. You never tried.”
“Valerie, you can’t try to love someone. You do, or you don’t.”
“But you can’t love someone unless you’re at least open to the idea. You wouldn’t even open that door…”
“You tricked me into knocking you up.”
“I did not—”
“Come on,” I snapped. “You did. Lie all you want, but I know you did. And honestly, I don’t even care because Derek is the best thing that ever happened to me. But let’s not rewrite history here. How am I supposed to love someone when our relationship is based on deceit? You need to trust someone before anything like love can happen, and I never trusted you.” I spoke from personal experience without even realizing it. Cleo had always been honest with me, only had good intentions, and looked after me. What I had with her was real…so fucking real. “And you’ve never accepted me for being who I am. I’m not talkative. I never have been.”
“This is the most I’ve ever heard you talk, actually.”
Because I had something to say.
“Can we try again?” she whispered. “Derek deserves to have his parents stay together—”
“Parents don’t need to stay together to be a family. We can still be a family. But no, that won’t happen, Valerie. And it’s a disservice to you because you deserve to be with a man who loves you.”
“What if we tried therapy?”
“No.” I couldn’t give her any hope. I was too tempted to tell her about Cleo…that she was the only woman for me. But I didn’t, knowing it would just make the situation worse. “I’m willing to do that to make a better relationship for Derek, but not for romantic reasons.”
She inhaled a deep breath, her fingers digging into her arms.
“But I would like to be friends…someday.”
She watched me, a tear coming loose.
“You need to stop interrogating me about my life. You need to respect me as a person. You can’t just walk into my bedroom and look through my stuff. It’s completely inappropriate.”
She had the humility to look away like she was embarrassed. “When I thought you and Cleo were together, it just drove me crazy. She’s a very attractive woman, and hearing Derek go on about her…made me feel replaced. And I just…couldn’t handle it.”
I wanted to be honest and tell her the truth. I wanted to tell her that her suspicions had been correct—and Cleo was the best thing that ever happened to me. But that would accomplish nothing. “Valerie, I’ve been with other women since we’ve gone our separate ways. Whether it’s Cleo or someone else, I don’t see why it matters. I’m a single man who has physical needs.”
“Flings don’t matter. They mean nothing. But the idea of you feeling the way I want you to feel about me…with her…is what I don’t want.”
I couldn’t believe how correct Cleo had been about her. She could read Valerie better than I could—and I had been married to her. “That’s going to happen someday. You’ll get remarried…and I might get remarried. You’d rather me be alone forever?”
“No,” she whispered. “I’d rather you be with me.”
Since I had been such a shitty husband, I didn’t understand why she wanted me so much. She never seemed happy, and neither was I. “That’s not going to happen, Valerie. You need to let it go.”
“There’s nothing I could do?” she whispered. “If we started over?”
Even if I weren’t with Cleo, my answer would be the same. “No.”
Her eyes fell.
“But like I said, I’d like to be friends.”
She was quiet.
I waited for her to say something more, but she never did. “We still have this weekend. Let’s make the best of it.”
“Why did you invite me out here if you don’t want to be with me?”
I didn’t tell her about my endgame. If she knew what I was really after, she might be purposefully spiteful. It was the first time I was manipulating her, even though she’d been manipulating me since the night we met. “Because I want us to be a family, Valerie.”