Total pages in book: 150
Estimated words: 143633 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 718(@200wpm)___ 575(@250wpm)___ 479(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 143633 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 718(@200wpm)___ 575(@250wpm)___ 479(@300wpm)
“Yes! OF COURSE I MEAN THAT! YOU’RE MY FUCKING DAUGHTER!”
I had to wipe my tears away with my cuff.
“You should be thanking Julian then, not hating him, because he’s the one who would have killed Scottie. He threatened him in the hall downstairs, and told him if he didn’t fuck off, he’d put a knife in his ribs. THAT’S the man you think is taking advantage of me. The one who cares about me enough to risk putting himself in jail for the rest of his life, just to keep me safe! People can whisper all they want about him, about his past and his sicko ways, but they are all full of utter crap. They don’t know him!”
Mum was silent, so I carried on. I let it flow. I let my heart run free.
“Julian treats me like I’m worth something. He treats me like I light up his world. He treats me like I AM his world. And I’ve never seen that before. I’ve never seen it in this shithole of an estate, and I’ve never seen it in one single shit relationship in this apartment. I’ve seen people who claimed they loved you, but have they fuck. And Scottie was the worst of all!” I had to take a breath. “So don’t you dare criticise Julian! DON’T YOU DARE!”
The passion in my words seemed to stun her. She stared at me, mute.
“I’m in love with him,” I told her. “I don’t care what anyone thinks or says about it. I’m in love with him, and I want to be with him. That’s not going to change. Trisha, or Martha, or Bertie, or anyone in this block, or anyone on this fucking estate, or in the Brewery Tavern can say what they like, I don’t care. Nothing is going to change!”
She slumped against the wall at that, her fire burnt out.
“My God,” she said. “You should have told me. About everything.”
I knew then that she believed me about Scottie. I knew she believed me. She closed her eyes and I waited, letting her brain catch up with the outburst.
“And Julian loves you back, does he?” she said. “That’s what he claims, is it? That he loves you?”
“He doesn’t claim he loves me. He does love me.”
She changed her approach. “He’s got to be at least thirty years older than you.”
I sighed. “So? Who cares?”
“He must care. He should do.”
“He did care, before he listened to me and believed I was aware of my own mind, and my own thoughts, and was able to make my own decisions on what the hell I wanted.” I dared to push it. “I’m asking you to do the same, Mum. Listen to me. Thirty years or not. I don’t care.”
“People say he’s filthy, a pervert… they say he cheated on his wife, and fucked loads of young girls, and did disgusting things to them.”
“There are a few tiny bits of truth in a whole load of lies. People can say what they like. I love being with him.”
“People say he fucked his family over and left them behind! That’s not ok!”
“People don’t know him. Maybe you should get to know him yourself before you judge. You can ask him the questions yourself, rather than listening to bullshit.”
“I can’t believe this…” she said, shaking her head. “I just can’t believe it.”
“You’d better start believing it, Mum, because I’m not leaving him. I don’t want to be without him, not for anything. I mean it. I’m going upstairs. Choose to listen, or don’t, but I’ll be going back up there tonight.”
I was a different Rosie than the innocent, scared little girl she’d always known. The contrast in my own strength was enough to make my heart soar, despite the pain, and it was Julian who’d enabled that in me. I could have thanked him for all time, and it still wouldn’t be enough.
“You’ve been staying with him? Upstairs? This whole time?” she asked, and I nodded.
“Yeah. Constantly.”
“I can’t believe I didn’t know. It was so fucking obvious.”
I opted for more honesty. “You’ve been so busy dreaming up plans with Scottie that you didn’t give a shit where I was. If you had, maybe you’d have figured it out.”
“Stop it!” she said, but she didn’t deny it. She cursed to herself.
“Tell me it’s not true,” I pushed. “Go on. Tell me you’ve been thinking about me, really keen to know who Jenny is. I haven’t seen it. You haven’t even called.”
“I didn’t suspect a thing!”
My tears sprang up again, even through my strength.
“Scottie’s had you on puppet strings, just like usual. He’s been dangling you, lost to everything in the world but how fucking great he is.”
I saw the rage on her face at that.
“Scottie is a cunt. He’s dead to me now.”
I blew out a breath, not knowing whether to believe her or not.