Total pages in book: 93
Estimated words: 87950 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 440(@200wpm)___ 352(@250wpm)___ 293(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 87950 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 440(@200wpm)___ 352(@250wpm)___ 293(@300wpm)
“A hangover is the last thing you need right now,” Alan chided, kicking the door closed behind him and joining me on the bed. “Your problems might disappear this evening, but they’ll still be there in the morning, only you’ll have a pounding head to accompany them.”
“You’re probably right.” I sighed, picked up the bottle of lemonade and remembered I didn’t have any glasses.
“Sorry, I’ve nothing to drink this out of.”
“Girl, we’re no strangers to locking our lips around a sweet rim. The bottle’s fine.”
I laughed, probably for the first time in weeks. Then I felt sad, because I usually laughed the most when I was with Matt. “Thanks for coming around so late.”
Alan wore his glasses rather than his contacts so I suspected I’d woken him up. “I’m here for you any time. You know that. Besides, I knew it must be serious if you’re here,” he noted, looking around the small room.
“I needed to feel close to him. Guess I hoped he’d give me the answer. Send me some kind of sign. How stupid is that?”
“Not even a little bit,” Alan assured, placing his hand on my knee. “Now, tell Momma all about it.”
Crossing my legs Buddha-style, I exhaled a long, regretful sigh. “I saw Matt earlier.” I paused, the words getting lost between my brain and my lips. Alan didn’t interrupt; he simply waited until I was ready. He was good at that. Listening. It was one of the traits I valued most about him, and why I went straight to him after Matt kissed me for the first time. “I told him about the HIV.”
“How’d he take it?”
“He left.”
“He left?” Alan repeated, disbelief making his voice higher. “That surprises me.”
“It’s nothing to do with the HIV,” I said, feeling a powerful urge to defend Matt. “It’s because I didn’t tell him sooner. And because he thinks I’m using it as an excuse to avoid taking things further with him.”
“Well you are.”
It took a few seconds for my brain to register what he’d said, and when it did my mouth dropped open, stunning me into silence.
“It’s not a death sentence anymore, Alex. You take your meds, you work out, look after yourself…you’ve got a long and healthy life ahead of you. Why do you insist you need to spend it alone? It’s like you’re punishing yourself.”
“You don’t understand.” Nobody did.
“I understand completely. But you can’t compare what happened with Corey to what’s happening now.”
“I didn’t mention Corey,” I snapped.
“You didn’t need to. I know you, sugar, and I knew Corey, too. He wouldn’t want this for you.”
“It’s too big a risk,” I protested, saying the words I’d forced myself to believe for so long. But my desire for Matt was weakening my resolve… and I hated myself for it.
“Sure it’s a risk, but shouldn’t Matt get a say in whether he’s prepared to take it?”
“I…I don’t know anymore.”
“That’s better than a no.”
“I miss him, Al. Corey. I miss him so fucking much.”
“You always will,” Alan said, kneeling up and bringing me in for a hug. “I miss him, too.”
“It feels like I’m forgetting him. Some days I have to look at his picture just to remind myself what he looked like. What I feel for Matt…it feels like I’m betraying him.”
“You didn’t die with him, Alex. You were given the chance he didn’t have - the opportunity to live. Don’t waste that. He wouldn’t want you to. In fact, if he knew you were throwing away this chance to be happy, I’m pretty sure he’d kick your ass.”
I chuckled weakly, before lifting the bottle of lemonade to my face and pressing the cool glass against my flushed cheek. Exhausted, I brought it to my lips and took a refreshing sip, nodding in approval as the sweet drink flowed down my throat. “I think I need to talk to him.”
“Now that’s the most sensible thing you’ve said all night. Told you my lemonade fixes everything.”
Smiling, I took another mouthful. “It’s late. I should probably leave it till tomorrow.”
“He’s a freakin’ rock star, sugar. A creature of the night. No more excuses.”
“Maybe I’ll-”
“Nope,” Alan cut me off, removing the bottle from my hand. “Go now before you talk yourself out of it.”
“I-”
“Right now.”
I didn’t have time to entertain the fear that pooled in my belly as Alan pulled me from the bed and ushered me toward the door. “I need my shoes dammit!” I said, steadying myself on the doorjamb to stop myself being pushed out of my own freakin’ room. Using his arm as a barrier to prevent me from moving, Alan bent down, grabbed my shoes and shoved them into my chest. I opened my mouth to say I didn’t have my keys but saw them flying out of Alan’s hand and through the air toward me. Before I could thank him, I was out of my room and the door slammed behind me.