Total pages in book: 86
Estimated words: 86596 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 433(@200wpm)___ 346(@250wpm)___ 289(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 86596 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 433(@200wpm)___ 346(@250wpm)___ 289(@300wpm)
There has to be a silver lining here.
Molly.
Molly was your silver lining.
Is.
Was.
Molly was the lesson. Molly taught me in a short amount of time—when I wanted to run from relationships because of one toxic one—that what I actually want is to be loved for who I am. And I want an equal partner.
I actually thought Laura was my equal, but that was the college and law degree tricking me into it. We weren’t even close to being life partners…
And now we might be having a baby.
“Hello?” Jack is waving his hand near the front of my face. “Anyone home?”
I shake my head. “Sorry. I was lost in thought.”
“I can see that.”
He lets me stew a bit longer before asking, “What’s your plan?”
“My plan is…” My plan. My plan is… “I gave a sample for my DNA, and I just have to wait for Laura to stop fucking around, and as soon as she does, we’ll know within two days who the father is.”
“And then?”
“And then…” I clasp and unclasp my hands. “And then I’ll let Molly know. And then…we’ll see.”
“The waiting game sucks,” Jack intones with a heavy sigh. “This is worse than waiting to see which round in the draft you’ll be taken in.”
Worse.
A human life is involved; the draft only involves a career.
When Jack stands, ready to leave after sitting with me for well over an hour, I stand too.
“Thanks for coming over, man.”
“No problem. Holler if you need anything else.”
“I will.”
But I won’t.
This is a problem I have to deal with on my own, and I’m not going to tell another soul about it until I know whether I am the father or not.
Kate doesn’t need to know.
Mom and Dad don’t need to know.
Not yet.
The last thing I want to put them through is what I’m going through right now: total misery.
It’s been days since I gave my sample to the clinic, but it takes Laura forever to go in for her fetal cell analysis. The fact that she’s dragging this out makes me furious.
Keith Dwyer has also reached out, but I’m in no disposition to corroborate with him. Not yet anyway.
What I told Molly was true. I can’t eat, and I can’t sleep, and I can’t stop thinking about her, either.
“Molly, what if the baby is mine?” I’d asked her. “What if I’m a dad?”
“You…” Her own voice was hoarse, throat scratchy. “You’d make an amazing dad, Eli.”
How does she know? What if I’m not?
I work too much, and I’m stressed out all the time, and for the most part, everyone thinks I’m a giant asshole.
I have to be in this industry, or people would walk all over my clients and me. I’m the balls and the brains, and they are the muscle.
Pulling a yellow notepad out of my desk drawer, I draw a line down the center and write BABY on the left side and NO BABY on the right.
What would happen to my relationship with Molly if Laura is pregnant? What will happen to my relationship with Molly if she isn’t?
I make a list.
Under BABY, I scribble:
Single father
Child support
Shared custody
GET FAMILY LAWYER
GET NANNY
Child-friendly apartment
I hesitate from list building, letting my mind stray to Jack and his words of wisdom. He found out he was a father of a seven-year-old, when that child was seven-years-old. It worked for him, but who’s to say it would work out for me?
What if my kid hates me?
What if Laura poisons it—the baby, I mean—against me? Fuck, I can see her doing that out of sheer spite.
Under NO BABY, I scribble:
Relationship with Molly
Continue as usual
But take more personal time
More leisure travel
Give Donna more PTO (paid time off)
If Laura isn’t pregnant with my child, I would feel as if I’ve been given a new lease on life. Not that a child is the end of the world—I want kids one day, absolutely. But I’ve always pictured having them with someone I loved and cared about, not a calculating ex-girlfriend who I haven’t spoken to in months.
Waiting is torture, and every minute—every second—is one step farther away from moving forward with my life. With Molly.
It’s a strange feeling knowing my hands are tied.
My fate lies in the hands of the one person in this world I resent the most…
…and she damn well knows it.
twenty-five
molly
Life is funny.
Not like, ha ha funny.
The ironic kind of humor when the universe seems determined to break your spirit with one disappointment after another.
Just when I thought I was opening myself up to someone after being shit on in the dating world—mostly by the men on the dating apps themselves, but still—along comes a man I thought could change my views on love.
Love.
Ha.
It was too soon for that anyway.
No one falls in love in a matter of a few short weeks, do they?
Certainly not me.
My work has been suffering since the night Laura flipped everything upside down. Since Eli was placed back into the friend zone.