Total pages in book: 168
Estimated words: 162369 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 812(@200wpm)___ 649(@250wpm)___ 541(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 162369 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 812(@200wpm)___ 649(@250wpm)___ 541(@300wpm)
I shrug as my skin prickles with nervousness. “It’s a vase, that’s what people do with vases. They put flowers in them.”
Touching my chin, he lifts my face up, holding his fingers there, so I can’t look away. His tone is low, close to a whisper. “Penny. Tell me what you were really feeling about the vase, about living downstairs. I saw your face when Lily suggested that. You turned white as a fucking ghost.”
It’s all sitting on the tip of my tongue, waiting to rush out. To finally be heard. But I can’t. He’ll think I’m crazy if I tell him all the thoughts running through my head. And he’d be right.
“Alex…” My voice cracks and I have to swallow and take a breath. “I think I have to go back to California. I can’t stay here.”
“What?” His head pulls back, the word filled with shock. “Why?”
“The symptoms are coming back.”
His brows tilt together. “I’m confused. What symptoms, Penny? You’ve been fine, except for—”
“I’m not fine!” I yell, bursting into tears. “I’m not fine at all. The doctors were right, Alex. I’m having delusions and crazy thoughts again. I promised my parents I’d go back if they started again. To try new treatment—”
Kneeling in front of me, he takes my hands in his. “Whatever’s going on, we can figure it out together. Here. I don’t want you to leave.”
He blurs before the tears in my eyes. I cling to his hands, squeezing his fingers in mine as anxiety courses through me. “Something is really wrong with me, Alex. I thought I was better. I thought it was all a mistake, but I guess it’s true. Something is messed up in my brain.”
“Why do you think that?” he asks softly. “Tell me so I can understand.”
I shake my head. My bottom lip quivers uncontrollably. “I can’t…”
His eyes bore into mine. Searching. Pleading. All I want to do is love him and make him happy, but I’m responsible for all the despair and confusion I see on his face right now. It makes my chest feel like it’s filled with lead.
“You know you can tell me anything, little darlin’. I’m not gonna go anywhere. I’ll be right here with you, I promise.”
My heart palpitates, sending flutters of panic to my stomach. My chest heaves with deep breaths.
“Is it about the vase?” he urges softly.
I nod. Tears slip from my cheek and splash onto our clasped hands. A few nights ago, we were drenched in rain, but today, it’s tears.
“Just tell me what you’re thinking, Penny. Please.” Emotion makes his voice raspy. The weight in my chest begins to suffocate me.
“I think it’s mine,” I whisper in a tiny voice. “I think… I made the vase. I can see myself making it… like an old silent movie in my head.” Trembling, I slowly raise my eyes to meet his, and I see a flicker of something unexpected there.
It almost looks like hope.
His hands shake in mine, suddenly clammy. I wait for him to pull away and tell me to get the hell out. But instead, he lets out a long, careful breath. Then he reaches up to cup the back of my head, pulling me toward him until our foreheads touch.
“Okay,” he says quietly. “Listen to me. Will you let me help you? Can we try to figure this out together?”
“Really?” I squeak in surprise. “After hearing that, you don’t want me to go?”
“Of course not. I waited years for you to come back. I’m not letting you go.”
I shudder with a mix of relief and fear. “I’m just so scared. I don’t want to go back to California, but what if I’m losing my mind? What if I—”
“Shhh…” he soothes, gently squeezing the back of my neck. “I know you’re scared, baby. But maybe you don’t have to be. No matter what it is, we love each other, and we can get through it together, right?”
I nod rapidly, absorbing his words. “Yes. I love you with all my heart.”
I’m pulled into his arms, hugged tightly with his lips in my hair. “We’ll figure out why you feel this way, Penny. I promise. I’m not letting you go back to some fucking hospital and get fed pills again. There has to be a better way.”
Oh, how I hope he’s right. “I’m so scared something is going to happen to me. Or that I’ll lose you.”
He holds me tighter, whispering sweet words that calm my soul. When we finally part, he kisses my dried tears, pressing his lips against my cheeks, my eyes, then softly to my lips.
“Nothing is going to happen to you. And you’re never going to lose me.” He kisses the tip of my nose, like it’s a deal sealer. “In case you haven’t figured it out, I’m yours. Forever.”
Chapter 48