Total pages in book: 51
Estimated words: 48271 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 241(@200wpm)___ 193(@250wpm)___ 161(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 48271 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 241(@200wpm)___ 193(@250wpm)___ 161(@300wpm)
God, I am such an asshole.
“Talk to me, kid,” he probes gently. “What happened?”
I debate how much to tell him, knowing this is Ellie’s personal business, but I need to sort out all of these conflicting feelings I’m having, and if anyone can bring me some clarity it’s the man before me. A man who has been more of a parent to me than my own ever were in the short eight years I knew them. One who just happened to be at the same gas station where they left me. Instead of leaving me too, the former soldier took me home and gave me a life I would have never had if not for him.
For that reason alone, I spill my guts to him. “Ellie is going to have a baby,” I reveal, struggling to say the words out loud.
His brows shoot up in surprise. “A baby?” he repeats.
I nod.
“I didn’t realize she was seeing someone.”
I tense at the assumption, despite having the same thought earlier. “She isn’t.” My response is harsher than I intend for it to be.
His hands lift in surrender. “My bad.”
I shake my head, frustrated at myself for getting worked up again.
What the hell do I care if she’s seeing someone? I want her to be happy, I’ve always wanted that for her.
No one is good enough for her.
The little voice in my head makes a solid point.
“She plans to have a procedure and use a sperm donor,” I explain, still grappling with that knowledge.
“I see,” he says, as if he understands, but he doesn’t. Not at all. “And you don’t want her to do that.”
It’s a statement, not a question, but I find myself answering anyway. “No, I don’t.”
“Why not? Don’t you think she’d make a good mother?”
“Of course I do.”
Ellie will be the best mom—the kind every child deserves. The kind who wouldn’t abandon her child at a gas station because she decided she didn’t want them anymore.
“Then what’s the problem?” he asks, still not understanding.
“Well, for starters, she’s not ready.”
He challenges that response. “Why do you say that? She has a nice home, a thriving business, and most importantly, she has a huge heart. No one loves like Ellie does. Seems to me, she’s more than ready.”
My eyes narrow at how fucking logical he’s being about this.
“Maybe it’s you who isn’t ready,” he adds.
It’s on the tip of my tongue to deny it, but I don’t bother because he hit the nail on the head and we both know it.
“Maybe I’m not,” I finally admit, not only to him but also myself. “Maybe I don’t want her to have someone else’s baby, even if it is some nameless asshole.”
He cocks a brow. “Is that what’s bothering you about all this? The thought of her having another man’s child?”
It’s a question I have been asking myself all afternoon, one I can’t seem to find the answer to.
“Jesus, Ryland. I don’t know,” the confession escapes me on a heavy breath. “All I know is I’ve been feeling all sorts of shit today when it comes to Ellie, things I’ve never felt before, and it’s really fucking with my head.”
His demeanor never changes. He remains calm and poised, a complete contradiction to the turmoil storming inside me.
“Want to know what I think?”
I nod, desperate for any kind of guidance right now.
“I think these feelings aren’t new at all. I think you’re just finally being forced to acknowledge them.”
My brows furrow at the statement. “What do you mean?”
“Ellie has always been yours, even if it has only been as a friend. You’ve never had to share her with anyone because every decision she has ever made has included you. The two of you have revolved your entire lives around each other since the day you met. Which, in my opinion, is why she is having to consider motherhood the way she is.”
What he says is true. There has always been an unspoken commitment between us. It’s just the way it is. How it’s always been and how it’s always supposed to be … so why the hell does she have to change it now?
“Let me tell you a story,” he says, sinking deeper into his chair. “Back when I was in the Armed Forces, a few of us were sent to the U.S. to assist a group of young, highly trained Navy SEALs who were prepping for a mission in an area we’d worked the previous year. They were a good bunch of guys, and you’ve always reminded me of one of them.”
I find myself intrigued by that. Over the years, Ryland has shared a lot of wisdom and reflection with me, but his time in the military has always been a rare topic, something I never pushed and always respected.
“His name was Jaxson Reid, and he was a hell of a guy. Still is, though it’s been a few years since I heard from him,” he continues, his admiration unmistakable. “He was one of the best of his time. Even held the highest record of any Navy SEAL at BUD/S.”