Total pages in book: 56
Estimated words: 52553 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 263(@200wpm)___ 210(@250wpm)___ 175(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 52553 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 263(@200wpm)___ 210(@250wpm)___ 175(@300wpm)
My heart can’t decide if it wants to drop or beat itself right out of my chest. “Embry would tell you the same thing in this situation that ze did before.”
“I’m aware.” Thane’s arms and tentacles tighten around me, but he’s careful not to hold me too hard, and he stays well away from my stomach. “I don’t care. I’ll sign away the leadership to Embry. I should have done it after Brant died. Once I do, the contract is null and void on that end.”
I’m pretty sure Azazel won’t think so, but it’s obvious this argument won’t make him see reason. He’s trying to send me away. My inner child wails at the thought, making it hard to think, but I have to. We’re poised on the edge of a blade, and one wrong move will send us hurtling into actions we can’t take back. “Do you want me to leave?”
He jolts. “What kind of question is that?”
“One I need an answer to.”
He drags in a breath. “I have hurt you.”
He knows I have nothing to go back to, and he still thinks he’s the worse option. “Thane.” My patience spins out, nearly snapping. “That is not an answer, and I’m going to need you to stop flogging yourself with guilt. Do you want me to stay or not?”
“Of course I want you to stay!” He flexes around me as if fighting his desire to plaster me to him. “I love you. But that means less than nothing because I don’t know how to be in a relationship anymore. I am too blunt, and I constantly do things that hurt you even when I’m trying not to.” He finally looks down at me, inky eyes devastated. “I don’t know how to be anything other than what I am, and the last thing I want is to cause you pain. I don’t see a way through this.”
It feels like I’m being split in two. Part of me wants to cling to the harsh things, to the fact he is trying to send me home and that’s just proof he’s like everyone else who thought I wasn’t good enough. The rest of me is fighting tooth and nail to keep my mouth shut while I process everything he just said.
He loves me.
He doesn’t want to hurt me.
He doubts his ability to be good enough . . . just like I do.
I press my hands to his chest and sit up so I can see him properly. “Thane . . . I think we’re already in a relationship.”
He blinks. “Excuse me?”
“I’ve been sharing your bed for weeks.” I speak slowly, feeling my way through. “We see each other every day. We go places together, and you show me things you care about. Maybe we aren’t always the best at communicating because of our respective baggage, but that’s something we’ve already made progress on, don’t you think?”
He blinks again. “I suppose . . .”
That gives me the courage to keep speaking. “Don’t you think, given more time, we might learn to communicate even better? If we’re both willing to try?” When he doesn’t immediately respond, I take my heart in both hands and propel myself into a leap of faith. “I love you, too. It crept up on me, but it’s the truth. I know when we first met, I said I didn’t care about the motivations of the people in my life as long as the results felt good, but you’ve shown me there’s no substitute for being with someone who actually cares about me.”
“Catalina.” He reaches up and cups my face with one big hand. “I don’t deserve your grace.”
“That’s the thing about grace. It’s not about deserving.” I cover his hand with mine and give a choked laugh. “For fuck’s sake, you’re about to give up your territory for me. I don’t know of a bigger grand gesture than something like that. How can you say you’re not good for me, Thane?”
He searches my face. “I will give up my territory.” He must see my panic, because he rushes on. “Not to Azazel. But it’s long since time for Embry to take over. Ze is practically running the place these days.”
“You don’t have to do that.” I can barely comprehend the sacrifice he’s making. “Not for me.”
Thane smiles slowly, and the expression lights up his face. “I’m doing it for both of us.” He looks around the room. “Maybe we could move somewhere smaller. Farther from the keep. Into one of the villages on the coast.”
“Do you really mean it?” I whisper.
“Yes.” He kisses my forehead. “I’ll talk with Embry tomorrow.” He kisses my brow and then my nose. “But you don’t have to decide about staying now, Lina. We have time to pursue this properly.” His lips brush mine. “Allow me to court you the way you were meant to be courted.”