Total pages in book: 244
Estimated words: 236705 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1184(@200wpm)___ 947(@250wpm)___ 789(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 236705 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1184(@200wpm)___ 947(@250wpm)___ 789(@300wpm)
Instead, I write a whole new story, one straight from my imagination. I call it Yes Man. It’s about a brash, sarcastic lawyer who’s got a big mouth and tells the senior partner he works for that he has a date for the firm’s weekend in the Hamptons barbecue. But oops, the perennially single dude doesn’t. So he convinces his quirky, cute next-door neighbor to be his pretend girlfriend. The story is chock full of sexual tension until they finally bang.
Spoiler alert: They screw a lot, fall in love, and live happily ever after.
It doesn’t matter that I’ve never been with a woman. I know what it’s like to fall. I know how infatuation feels. How desperate it makes your heart. How intensely it consumes you.
The rest is body parts and choreography.
Two years after I leave London, I find an agent and a publisher. This dream comes true while my dream guy becomes a distant memory.
27
MY LITTLE OBSESSION
The Night of The Artificial Girlfriend Premiere
Jude
Olivia pushes open the door to Sticks and Stones, whips her gaze back and forth, then declares in her big, brash voice, “Star, coming through.”
I slap a hand over her mouth. “You’re the worst, woman.”
She bites my palm.
“Ouch,” I say. “That smarts.”
“Taught you to silence me then, didn’t it?”
“I learned my lesson.”
With a smile, she points to the back of the pub. “All right, let’s go to the party room, shall we?”
“We could have done this at my flat,” I say, except of course we couldn’t.
My new roommate is a stick in the mud. Fine, he’s queer-friendly and a non-smoker, but he also doesn’t like noise, music, or people.
In the plus column, I don’t want to shag him, hang out with him, or share all my hopes and dreams with him, so there is zero chance I’ll fall arse over elbow into an endless well of feelings.
Or, I should say, ass.
In honor of a certain someone.
Someone I wish were here.
As we weave through the pub, Olivia nudges me. “Practice your red-carpet walk.”
“You practice your red-carpet walk,” I retort. “It’s not even like anyone here is looking at us.”
“They’re not today. But mark my words, Jude Graham, they will be soon.”
Though I’m realistic enough to know I won’t be recognized from a web series, I cross my fingers. Sure, advance reviews have been fantastic, but it’s not as if Hollywood is beating down my door. Harry is still sending me out on commercial auditions.
Though, I did nab one a few weeks ago.
I nearly texted TJ to tell him I’ll be the face of a British menswear brand. And that I also landed a couple of voiceovers. One is for a music streaming service, and I wanted to say Maybe you’ll hear me in the States when you hunt for new bands, and by the way, have you heard the new Ten-Speed Rabbit single and isn’t it fantastic?
I didn’t tell him, though. Instead, I called Olivia and blurted out, I’m telling you because I love you, so I’m not tempted to tell TJ.
Her response? Use me anytime. That’s what I’m here for.
I’d be a right mess without my best mate.
When we reach the back room, my jaw comes unhinged.
Olivia invited everyone. My brother, some of his friends, lots of our mates from uni. Even Alex is here. So is Polly. Sometimes the three of them hang out. Sometimes Polly hangs out alone with Olivia. And sometimes Olivia goes out with Alex.
It all works, as she says. That’s Olivia. She makes things work.
William is also here since the inked barista by day and Lettuce Pray singer by night has become a friend.
He offers me a clap on the back. “Congrats, Jude. I pretty much told everyone at the coffee shop for the last few weeks to tune in. So really, I consider myself responsible for your sure-to-be-smashing numbers.”
He’s teasing, of course, but I’m still totally grateful. “Every little bit of buzz helps. Seriously.”
“I’m excited to see your show,” he says with a genuine smile. “I bet TJ is too.”
Did he tell you that?
I’m dying, fucking dying, to ask William that, as well as the other questions about the guy who hasn’t left my head.
How is TJ doing? How often do you talk to him? Did he finish his book? Does he miss me as much as I miss him?
Instead, I smile and give William an offhand shrug. “Wouldn’t that be something?”
Olivia pulls me aside, whispers out of the corner of her mouth, “Are you okay? Do you need to text me and tell me you hope TJ’s watching it?”
I give a small laugh, wishing it weren’t so obvious, but glad I have someone to talk to. “Do you think he’s watching it?”
“Oh, love, you don’t want me to answer that.”
“But I do,” I say since I want her to say, of course, he is.