Total pages in book: 80
Estimated words: 78007 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 390(@200wpm)___ 312(@250wpm)___ 260(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 78007 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 390(@200wpm)___ 312(@250wpm)___ 260(@300wpm)
We chat for about half an hour before I say, “Next time, I expect Sam to be there so I can meet her over a video call.”
Mom chuckles. “I’ll see what I can do.” She’s quiet for a moment, and I know what’s coming before she asks, “Have you spoken to your father at all yet?” He lives in Boston, but I think with my living with Ty, she thinks Ty’s dad and I have more of a chance to get to know each other now than we did when I lived there.
“Nope.”
“Okay. That’s your choice. You know I’ll always support you, but again, I need to make sure you’re not doing this for me. I have no expectations when it comes to whether or not you have a relationship with him. No one can make that choice but you, and I’ll support you no matter what you decide.”
I have no doubt, but… “I know, Mom. I just…can’t.”
“Okay, well, maybe you’ll change your mind one day.”
I don’t tell her that I know I won’t.
“I love you, Perry.”
“I love you too.”
We end the call, and I don’t even realize what I’m doing until after I hit Send.
Me: Guess what? My mom and I just talked, and she has her first girlfriend!
Damn. Why did I tell Theo that? It’s not as if he knows my mom. It’s not as if I know him all that well either, but for whatever reason, I’d wanted to share it with him.
Puppy: Wow…that’s…wow. You didn’t know she’s queer?
Me: No. She didn’t know either. There have probably been clues she missed or didn’t see them for what they were, but now she has a girlfriend, and she sounds really happy.
Again, I question why Theo is the person I’m sharing this with. Why not Ty? But Theo is the first person who popped into my head.
Puppy: That’s good. I’m happy for her.
Me: She deserves someone nice.
He doesn’t respond right away, so I sit there staring at my phone in a way that makes me want to slam my head into the wall. Why am I so weird over this guy?
Me: How was your night?
Puppy: Good. We had Autumn and a few people over.
There we have it. I know what that is. He’s making sure I know he hooked up with someone last night, that the weird moment between us was nothing. And it should have been nothing. All I would have wanted was an orgasm.
Me: I’m glad you had fun.
I add a smiley-face emoji.
Me: You doing anything today?
Puppy: Just hanging with Avery, Casey, and Jack. You?
Me: I work tonight. I’ll probably meet up with someone before.
Translation: if you can get laid, I can too.
Puppy: Have fun!
Me: I always do.
We stop texting, but I don’t get on an app and don’t meet anyone to hook up. Ty and Brax are at the nursing home today, visiting Brax’s grandma, so I get back on my computer and spend the rest of the day alone.
CHAPTER NINE
Theo
I haven’t hung out with Perry for a week. He hasn’t asked me since I said no, and I haven’t been able to bring myself to ask him. I don’t know why. I’m being ridiculous. Logically, I know that, but my brain is a little mixed up right now. The more I think about it, the more certain I am I was going to kiss him at Shenanigans that night. I wanted to kiss him, and I only had one Screaming Orgasm hours before, so I couldn’t use that as an excuse.
It’s all just so muddled in my head. I’ve never thought about kissing a guy before. I never thought I was interested in guys, but I have noticed them. Again, if someone is attractive, how can I not know that? The time between coming to college and before I started dating Whitney was the only time when I randomly hooked up with people, and I don’t know if that was only with women because that’s all I was attracted to or if I just didn’t open my mind enough to let myself wonder if something else was a possibility.
And now that I think about it, every girl I’d fucked around with had approached me—even Whitney. I haven’t gone to a party looking to get laid, sought someone out, and flirted with them. That’s just not really my style. They sought me out, and I agreed because, well, orgasms are fun, and they were pretty. What if a guy had flirted with me? What if he’d spelled it out for me in a way that made me realize what the fuck was going on, rather than after the fact, like it had been with Perry? Maybe things would be different. Maybe I’d have kissed a guy before.
And clearly, sexuality can be a spectrum for some people because look what Perry told me about his mom.