Total pages in book: 129
Estimated words: 125117 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 626(@200wpm)___ 500(@250wpm)___ 417(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 125117 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 626(@200wpm)___ 500(@250wpm)___ 417(@300wpm)
“I’m terrible at guessing people’s ages, actually. Everyone twenty to forty looks the same age, basically. Unless they dress like parents. Then they look older.”
“That why you dress like a parent? To look older?” Ash teased.
Truman feigned outrage for a moment, but he knew it was true. He’d once heard someone say that you either dressed to express who you were or to hide it. His khaki pants, plain button-down shirts, and subdued ties were perfect for work, but they certainly didn’t express his personality.
“Okay, well, why do you dress like…however you dress?”
“I just wear what I like,” Ash said simply. “You want to come in for a bit?”
They were standing outside Thorn.
“Definitely.”
Bruce was ecstatic to see them, and Ash took him outside for a turn around the block while Truman made them some hot tea.
When Ash returned, they settled on the couch, intertwining their legs since there wasn’t quite enough room.
“That was fun,” Truman said. “People here are really nice.”
“Yeah, they’re all right.”
“They seem to like you an awful lot.”
“They love my mom. They feel sorry for me,” Ash said matter-of-factly.
“Do you want to know something embarrassing?”
“Always.” Ash gave a ghost of a smile.
“Well, I know you’re not sure about being back here, and you came because of your mom. But that’s a great reason. You know why I’m in New Orleans?”
He made sure Ash was looking right at him.
“Because this guy I was dating three years ago told me to stay. No, really,” he said at Ash’s expression of doubt. “It’s way worse than you’re even imagining. Tyler and I hooked up at this party senior year of college, and the next weekend, when everyone was discussing what they were doing after college, I said I didn’t know what to do, and he was like, ‘You should stay here. We’d have fun.’ So I did. I signed a lease. I got a job. I was grateful that someone had told me what to do so I didn’t have to decide on my own. And I like New Orleans. I’ve had a good time the last three years. But come on…”
“But you seem so…decisive,” Ash said.
Truman snorted. “I mean, I am when it’s about other people’s stuff. I don’t know. My friends say I’m bad at advocating for my own needs but I’m good at meeting other people’s.”
“Are they right?”
Truman sighed. He was fairly sure you weren’t supposed to air all your worst qualities to people you had crushes on.
But…maybe that was exactly why his other relationships didn’t work out. He’d been trying so hard to be the version of himself that was best or most palatable. Wouldn’t it be a refreshing change to go into things knowing someone’s actual weaknesses?
“Yeah, it is true, I guess. I go along with what other people want too much. I make up stories about why it’s all fine, and meanwhile, I just decide to change what I wanted to fit with their needs. It’s…pretty pathetic, huh?”
Ash’s brow furrowed. “Not pathetic. But probably not great for you.” He picked at a split in the couch cushion. “Have you been doing that with me?”
Truman started to say no right away, then forced himself to really think about it. Had he? “Well. No, actually.”
“Okay, good. Don’t, if you can help it,” Ash said.
Truman let out a bark of laughter at the idea that he could just stop doing the thing that had been his biggest problem in relationships. Then he started to giggle because what if—what if?!—that was actually all it took to stop doing something that didn’t serve you. To…stop doing it.
“Are you okay?”
Truman was lost in helpless giggles, and those turned into hiccoughs. He nodded, then shook his head.
“What if…what if that’s…all…it took?” he choked out, hysterical with a laughter that had nothing to do with humor and everything to do with absurdism.
Ash looked at him strangely, clearly not seeing the humor. “I think that is all it takes,” he ventured. “It’s just difficult to do it.”
That made Truman laugh harder. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he said. “It’s not funny. I just can’t stop laughing. Phew.” He breathed deeply through his nose in an attempt to get himself under control. There was something about Ash that made him feel like he was pulling an all-nighter with friends all the time. Something giddy and special and difficult, but you knew it was going to be so worth it. “Why do I have so much fun hanging out with you?” he burst out.
Ash’s eyes went wide. “I have no idea. People don’t think I’m fun.”
“What? Why?”
Ash shrugged.
“To be fair, I didn’t say you were fun. I said I have fun with you,” Truman clarified in the spirit of not subjugating his own needs, desires, or feelings.
“That’s very true,” Ash acknowledged with a small smile. He tucked his hair behind his ear. “I have a lot of fun with you too.”