Total pages in book: 129
Estimated words: 125117 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 626(@200wpm)___ 500(@250wpm)___ 417(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 125117 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 626(@200wpm)___ 500(@250wpm)___ 417(@300wpm)
But things had never been the same. They did all the same things they once had, but what had once been genuine was now pantomime, and no matter how she tried, Greta couldn’t return to a moment before she’d spoken the words that had ruined everything. Semester by semester, they texted less and less until their entire relationship was birthday GIFs and dreading being home for the holidays together. Still, it was a small town—hell, it was an island—and they inevitably ran into each other from time to time.
“Anyway, we grew apart, but now… I don’t know. For so long, I thought if I’d never told her, we could’ve stayed close. But now, I guess I’m not sorry I told her. It was the right thing to do, and who knows what I might’ve missed out on if I’d spent all that time channeling my energy into that relationship when I knew my feelings wouldn’t be returned. Hell, maybe we’d’ve grown apart anyway.”
This thought had never entered Greta’s mind before, but as soon as the words were out of her mouth, she knew they were true.
“And that’s why it’s integrity, right?” Carys said. “Because you honored the truth of your feelings above what the consequences were for speaking them. We’re taught that what matters most is what happens. Did we get what we wanted, did we win, did we achieve the most. But what use is getting what you wanted if you get it at the cost of never being real about your own feelings?”
That hit Greta hard.
She’d spent so much time thinking what mattered most was the outcome. Did she succeed? Did her parents approve? Was she pulling her weight in the family? But all those things were done in spite of her feelings, not in line with them. She had always worried that telling her sisters she didn’t want to do something would result in them being upset, but she never thought that doing the thing despite her own feelings was behaving as if her feelings didn’t matter.
But they did. They mattered a lot.
“Fuck.”
“Yeah. It’ll mess you up when you fully realize how little you’ve honored your own feelings, which are, like, your whole self.”
They were her self. What had she thought her self was? She didn’t even know, but she’d been wrong.
“Fuuuck.”
Carys nodded in solidarity.
“And before, you were telling me your true feelings, and I was only thinking about the outcomes and my own habits of ‘taking care of someone,’ not about what you wanted at all. Damn. I get it. I really do.”
Carys’ smile was bright and fond. “Thanks, babe.”
Greta was practically buzzing with determination. This was the piece she’d been missing. The thing she’d failed to understand. It was so crucial that she didn’t think she could do anything else before she had a conversation with her family. It was scary and huge, but if she could express to them how she felt…how bad she’d been feeling…if they loved her, they’d want to help. Right? She had a free airline chit since her flight to New Orleans had been delayed and rerouted. She could go see them right now.
“I think I gotta go talk to my family. Can I…?”
She approached Carys, not sure if they’d repaired everything enough to warrant a kiss.
“Of course. Come here.”
She sank down beside Carys, and they wrapped their arms around each other.
“I don’t mean this in a patronizing way,” Carys said, “but I’m really proud of you for confronting your family. It’s so hard. You’re really brave to do it.”
Brave wasn’t a word that Greta would ever have used to describe herself, but she liked it. She wanted it to suit her.
“Thanks. Is it okay if I call you and tell you about it?”
“You can call me any time, Greta. Any time.” Carys looked down and fiddled with the blanket. “You’re…you’re coming back, right?”
Greta had spent weeks seeing Carys as mature and unflappable. She’d known, of course, that no one was confident all the time, but even seeing Carys’ response to her mother hadn’t shaken her vision. That one sentence, though, reminded her that Carys was scared and insecure like anyone. That she’d lost people and been hurt and had desires that she must fear not being fulfilled.
Greta was glad to see it. Glad to be able to offer something to Carys.
She cupped Carys’ beautiful face in her hands and looked directly into her whiskey-brown eyes.
“You bet your sweet ass I’m coming back.”
Carys closed her eyes and nodded, then kissed her so sweetly Greta almost couldn’t pull away.
Chapter 26
Greta
“Dude, you’re saving my life right now.”
“You know it, kid,” Ramona yelled over the music.
Greta had found a flight leaving that afternoon and booked it after nearly an hour of being put on hold, told her free flight wasn’t available yet, and being transferred ten times. When she’d texted Ramona to see if she could borrow her car, Ramona had offered to drive her herself.