Total pages in book: 185
Estimated words: 191421 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 957(@200wpm)___ 766(@250wpm)___ 638(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 191421 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 957(@200wpm)___ 766(@250wpm)___ 638(@300wpm)
“No, you didn’t,” my dad bites out and I notice my mom’s hand on his arm growing tighter.
This is unbearable to me.
Me, not being able to go to him. Not being able to take his hand and stand beside him. While he faces my parents like this.
But I think I understand why my friends stopped me.
I think they’re right; he needs to do this.
He needs to apologize to my parents.
It’s clear on his face — on his beautiful and yet again bruised face — that he needs to tackle this head on, what happened last night. That he needs to say the things that he’s saying, and no one knows it better than me.
That he feels things deeply. So much more deeply than anyone I’ve ever known.
Regret. Guilt. Loyalty.
“I didn’t,” he goes on, shifting on his feet. “And that’s on me. That’s something I’ll have to live with. But the worst thing that I’ll have to live with is the fact that I,” he pauses to take another deep breath and God, I can see how much it hurts him, “failed to protect her. I failed last night,” he says, his eyes clouded and his voice low and rough. “And I can bear anything in the world, anything at all, except that.” His jaw clenches for a bit. “Ever since I met her, your daughter, I… Well, I’ve done a lot of fucked-up things. I’ve done a lot of things that I regret where she’s concerned. And I always chalked it up to who or what I am. A disappointment. I’ve always been that. I’ve always taken great pride in that, but…” Another clench of his jaw. “This is the one thing that I’ll never be able to forgive myself for. The one thing that I don’t want any forgiveness for. That will haunt me forever, me not being able to keep her safe. Me not being able to keep her from harm’s way.”
At this, it becomes really difficult to simply stand here and let him do this.
Really difficult to not go to him and put a stop to this.
I don’t care if he wants to do this. If he wants to apologize or make things right or whatever it is that he’s doing right now.
I don’t care.
I have to let him know that it was me who failed. It was me who’d left the door unlocked. It was me who provoked Lucas.
Me. Me. Me.
Not him.
“You didn’t,” my father says, his words sounding clenched. “You did fail to protect my daughter. You made me fail to protect her too. You’re right. You’re the last person we want to see on our doorstep. Because you not only came into my house and disrespected my family, you led my daughter astray. You turned her into something that we don’t recognize anymore. A stranger and —”
“Scott, stop,” my mom says sternly.
“But I —”
“No, not right now,” Mom says to Dad, before addressing Reign. “We appreciate you coming here and giving us the courtesy to apologize. But as you and my husband have already said, you’re the last person we want to see or have anything to do with. You’re the last person that we want to think about. Because yes, you have turned our daughter into a stranger. A stranger who keeps secrets and tells lies and goes behind our backs. That is not the daughter we’d raised. We raised her to be good. To follow the rules. To be responsible and take care of the family. But…” She sighs. “You’re not the only one.”
My dad shifts on his feet again but thankfully remains silent as my mother continues, “I realized last night that we had a hand in this too. We had a long talk, Echo and us, last night. And I realized that while we did teach her to be good, to take care of the people she loves, we forgot to teach her to be good to herself, to take care of herself. I forgot that. A daughter learns from her mother, and I was always a good girl, growing up. I was always a rule follower and that’s what I taught her. That’s what I showed her. Maybe because my mother showed that to me as well, I don’t know. But growing up, I taught Echo to be like myself. It was important because we always struggled with things, and then with my husband’s accident, I had to make compromises and concessions and I relied on her a little too much perhaps, in order to keep things running. So yes, I forgot to teach her how to put herself first, and that’s my regret. That’s something that I will live with.”
My vision is blurry but I can see that my mom’s holding herself rigidly. My dad too. And I wish I hadn’t told them all this. I wish I hadn’t had that long talk with them last night.