Total pages in book: 185
Estimated words: 191421 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 957(@200wpm)___ 766(@250wpm)___ 638(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 191421 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 957(@200wpm)___ 766(@250wpm)___ 638(@300wpm)
He’s ready to give me another chance.
And I’ve decided to take it.
“I’ve decided to cut ties with you,” I tell Reign. “If that is what Lucas needs then I’m going to give it to him.”
Finally I see a movement on his frame.
A pulse on his jaw. A flicker in his eyelid. His limp hands forming fists.
“But I need to move on first,” I continue. “From you.”
More pulses. More flickers.
His fists tightening even more.
“I need to go to Lucas with a pure heart. I can’t… I can’t go to him with you in my heart too. My crush should’ve ended but it didn’t. And I feel so guilty about that. So guilty for wanting you. So guilty that we have this connection. This crazy… chemistry. We’re so in tune with each other. We…
“I know you feel guilty too. For everything. Which means we both need to move on. We both need to clear our consciences. We both need to end it. I want you out of my system and I need to get out of yours. I can’t live with this pain, this guilt, this crush that I have on you, and I’m not going to let you live with it either.”
Exactly.
Ending this is the only way forward.
It’s the only way he can be free. I could force him not to hurt himself. I could explain things to him, but nothing would cure his guilt except purging it out of his system.
And the same holds true for me as well.
I can’t be a good girlfriend to Lucas — the kind he deserves; the kind who doesn’t make him wait like I did — unless I purge his ex-best friend out of my system.
I open and close my fists and before I can lose my courage, I raise my very jittery hands and untie the ribbons that are holding my pink dress up. One flick of my hand each and my dress comes undone, falling with a soft rustle and a rush of air, pooling around my feet.
Leaving me all naked.
Then, I whisper, “I want you to take my virginity.”
CHAPTER THIRTY
His eyes are wide.
I’ve never seen them this wide before. I’ve also never seen them this dark.
This fraught with things.
So many things that I can’t even begin to understand or untangle. I’m wondering though if one of those things could be something that should make me blush.
Because as it is, I’m not blushing.
No, wait. I am.
What I mean is that even though I am blushing, I have no desire to cover myself up. I have no desire to hide myself from those big reddish-brown eyes that look more red than brown, more blazing than perhaps the sleeping sun.
However, I will say that even though I’m not very sure of what he’s thinking, I bet one of those things might be that I’m too dramatic. That my whole dress pooling at my feet routine was a little too movie-like.
Honestly, I don’t think so.
I think it was perfect. To symbolize this moment.
This crazy, insane, twisted moment.
Of me giving it up to him.
That one thing that I’ve never wanted to give to anyone, not even the guy I love.
But I don’t see any other way.
I don’t see how we can ever move on from each other, if we don’t do this. If we don’t say goodbye to each other in this way. Last time our crush led to a kiss — only — but if we don’t get rid of this infatuation, who knows what more we’d end up doing.
How much more guilt we’d have to face.
So yeah, we both need this.
Curling my bare toes into the scratchy gray carpet — I kicked off my sandals about a minute or two ago while he was staring at me like I’m from another planet — I say, “Reign?”
Nothing.
He’s still staring at me, my face to be specific.
Not my naked body.
I swallow. “Say something.”
He blinks.
At least he’s alive.
I take a step toward him and he jolts. His hand thrusts out as he says, “Don’t.”
“Don’t what?”
He backs up, his body crashing into the door. “Just… Just stay where you are.”
“Why?”
“Because…”
“Because what?”
“Jesus. Fuck.” Then, “Because I fucking said so.”
There’s nothing funny about this situation. Or at least, there shouldn’t be.
I’m naked — naked — in front of a guy for the first time in my life, asking him to take my virginity. That’s serious. But the way he looks so… scared makes me smile a little and take a step toward him. “You do know that you’re not actually the boss of me, don’t you? I mean, I was just kidding when I called you Bossman back there.”
He presses himself even more against the door, his chest starting to heave. “And you do know…”
Again, he trails off and I prod, moving forward. “I know what?”
He clenches his eyes shut. He even presses a fist into them for a second as if he’s so pained. “Can you fucking stop walking toward me? I can’t fucking think right now.”