Total pages in book: 109
Estimated words: 105080 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 525(@200wpm)___ 420(@250wpm)___ 350(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 105080 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 525(@200wpm)___ 420(@250wpm)___ 350(@300wpm)
Her eyes darted to me at that, more tears streaming down her face, her chin trembling. I swiped at the moisture in my own eyes too.
“You feel that way? Alone? Empty?”
“Every day of my life,” I admitted. “Until him.” I didn’t know if even West understood how much I loved him, how much I needed him, what he’d given me.
“I didn’t know.” She shook her head. “How could I not have known my own son felt that way? How could I have left you to deal with it by yourself? How did I not know you were…”
“Gay. It’s okay. You can use the word. And you didn’t know because I didn’t want you to. I didn’t want anyone to. But I need you to know now, and I need you to support me, even if you don’t understand, even if you don’t agree.”
“Hey,” Mom said, reaching out to cup my face with her gentle, shaking hand. “You’re my son. You’ve been my shining light from the moment you were born. I don’t know how I would have…how I could have survived losing your father if it wasn’t for you. I learned so much about being a good mom and about being a good person from you. I can’t lie to you and pretend this is what I wanted for you. I can’t pretend I’m not worried about what this means for your future, not even just because of football. The world isn’t a kind place. I have my beliefs and…well, you know. But I do love you. I will always love you and support you. Mothers don’t walk away from their children, Anson, at least this one doesn’t, and certainly not because you found someone to love. The rest of it…I’ll find a way to work with the rest.”
With her faith and my sexuality, she meant.
I pulled her to me and cried into her neck like I was a child and there was nothing in the world my mom couldn’t fix. She squeezed me right back, brushed her hand over my head and repeated, “Shh. It’s okay, sweet boy. I love you,” over and over and over.
I didn’t know how long we sat there together, both crying, Mom apologizing and rocking me. It wasn’t without flaw—her thoughts on faith and this not being what she saw for me—but life was rarely perfect. It was a starting point.
Eventually, the tears dried up. I leaned my head on her shoulder.
“What are you going to do, Anson?”
“I don’t know…at least not yet. I was just hoping we could make it work until the end of the season. West is…well, he’s a senator in California.”
“You don’t do anything the easy way, do you?”
I chuckled. “No, I don’t.”
“But you’re a fighter. Look at how far you’ve come. Taking care of me, of your brother, following your dream.”
I was quiet for a moment, and then I said, “I really do love him. It’s been killing me not to share him with you.”
I could see the wheels turning in her head. This was a bigger deal for her than she liked. I knew Mom well enough to know it would bother her, but she wouldn’t want it to. “A senator, huh? Tell me about this man of yours.”
So I did. I told her how funny he was. That he always made me smile and had parents who didn’t accept him. That he came off as aloof sometimes, but it was a defense mechanism. I told her how much he supported me, how much he was there for me, how much he cared about others and just wanted to make the world a better place.
“Will I…will I get to meet him?” Her question surprised me.
“If you want, yeah. It’s okay if you’re not ready. He’s here now…in Atlanta, with me. He got some time off. He doesn’t know I’m telling you right now. West doesn’t want me to feel rushed or to do anything for him. He wants me to come out in my own time.”
“I think I might like him.”
“If you give him a chance, I promise you will.”
Silence stretched between us, and I knew she was working through everything I’d said, that she was preparing herself for something, and that no matter what, she wanted to do the right thing. “Maybe…maybe the two of you could come to dinner tomorrow night. And your brother too, if you want. I assume if you told me, you’ve already told him.”
“Yeah, he’s met West. They get along well.” I turned to look at her. “Are you sure? We don’t have to rush it.”
“I want to meet the young man who makes you smile the way you just did when you spoke about him.”
I pulled her into another hug. “Thank you, Mama. I love you.”
“I love you too. Always.”
Chapter Forty
Weston
I was trying not to let on how nervous I was to meet Anson’s mom. This was a huge step for him, and honestly, I still wasn’t quite sure I believed it was happening. When he’d come home the night before, eyes red-rimmed, and told me he’d come out to his mom, I’d been upset at first. Not that I’d told him that, but Christ, he was suddenly rushing things, and I was worried he would regret it. That something wouldn’t work out and he would resent me for it. But then I tried to let that go, and I’d been really fucking proud…and honored. Honored that he loved me that much, that he’d done this partly for us. It was important for him, and I reminded myself it was mostly about him, but yeah, I’d been part of that decision too, and no one had been willing to do anything like that for me before. No one had gone beyond the surface and loved what they’d found.