Total pages in book: 112
Estimated words: 106839 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 534(@200wpm)___ 427(@250wpm)___ 356(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 106839 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 534(@200wpm)___ 427(@250wpm)___ 356(@300wpm)
My eyebrow goes up. “Your… condition?”
“That’s just what I call the loneliness in my head. That’s why I work so many jobs, ya know? It’s why I write fictional desperately-seeking-somebodies, and fuss over those dresses, and keep the cottage and printshop. It’s a way to block out the fact that I lost the game of love.”
“You didn’t lose.”
She smiles. “Well, I know that now. But this is a brand-new thing, Amon. Two weeks, that’s all. The other twelve years are still up here.” She taps her head with a pale pink fingernail. “And the funny thing is, I don’t think I understood that I was sad all this time.” She squints her eyes at me, shaking her head a little. “It’s a weird feeling to realize you’ve been something for such a long time, you didn’t know how to be any other way.”
I stare off in the distance, focusing on the people all down the alleys as they throw their balls, and laugh, and have a good time. But I have a realization myself. That if I had gone to Rosie that day in the cafeteria, I’d have fallen in love with her. I would’ve driven her to the hospital instead of Mr. What’s-his-name from tenth-grade English and I would’ve been there when Cross was born. I would not have left. And even though I have regrets about a lot of things that I did instead, it was all necessary to get right here to this actual moment. Because there was a craving inside me when I was eighteen. A craving to see more, and do everything, and live a less perfect life than the one staged here in Disciple. And if I had stayed, that craving would’ve never gone away.
That craving would’ve ruined everything.
“Well.” I sigh and look down at Rosie. “It’s a brand-new start then, isn’t it?”
She nods, snuggling her face up into my neck. “It sure is. A very nice one at that.”
Suddenly Cross comes bounding over and sits on the other side of me. “We’re staying the night at your house tonight, right?”
Rosie and I haven’t discussed the details, but there’s really nothing to discuss. Not until we figure out this stalker situation. So I answer him before she does. “Yep. You’re staying.”
“Good,” Cross says. “I love it out there. I like your men, too. They’re cool. I wanna be just like them.”
I would like to point out that all my men, as he puts it, are permanently scarred from all the terrible shit they did in the military, and Edge Security is their last and final chance. But that’s something the boy doesn’t yet need to know.
Sensing my hesitation, Cross says, “I should train with them. Every day for the rest of the summer. What do you think? Can I do that?”
“Cross,” Rosie starts, “you are a boy. Your job is to play all summer so you’re good and rested for the next school year.”
“I’m not a boy.” Cross’s words come out angry. “Stop saying that. And what good are summer breaks if you can’t do something important? I want to do something important. I want to be someone important. And if this is not the perfect time, then when is?” He looks at me now. “You know what I’m talking about, Amon.”
And there it is. He’s me, all over again, craving something bigger than what he has because he needs to know what he’s missing. He’s gonna leave, I can see it coming. But not yet. He’s only twelve. We’ve got time. So I make him a pacifying promise. “We’ll shoot some more, Cross. Don’t worry. And we’ll go huntin’ in the fall.”
Cross stands up, his fists clenched like he’s frustrated to no end. “Not just that. I want to do all of it. I want to be like them. I want my own tactical gear, and I wanna learn how to work the dogs, and I wanna do all of it. This is the perfect time.” He looks at his mother with pleading eyes. “Why are you always treating me like a baby? I’m gonna leave, you know. As soon as I turn eighteen, I’m joining the marines too.”
Then he stomps off towards the arcade near the bar.
Rosie stands up to go after him, but I grab her hand. “Let him go, Rosie. You’ll just make him angrier if you corner him in public. He’ll get embarrassed and then he’ll say things he doesn’t mean.”
She sighs. “What was that about? That threat to join the marines? Because it didn’t look like embarrassment to me, Amon.”
“No. He’s dead set on being a badass, I guess. And if that’s how he sees his future, then nothing you say about it will make a difference.”
“So I should what? Fit him with tactical gear? Hand him a high-powered rifle and send him to survival camp or something?”