Total pages in book: 154
Estimated words: 144628 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 723(@200wpm)___ 579(@250wpm)___ 482(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 144628 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 723(@200wpm)___ 579(@250wpm)___ 482(@300wpm)
And she was supposed to offer him comfort and submission where she chose to. The contract they’d signed was a flimsy thing, unenforceable in the end. It still relied on goodwill and consent. What it actually did was open a dialogue about wants and needs and how to relate to each other. It required them to negotiate. She could walk away at any time, but he was asking her not to. “I worry that you’re going to regret this. Being associated with me could hurt you. I don’t know that you should risk that for a training partner.”
He moved in closer, looming over her and reminding her how big and strong he was. How safe it felt to be around him. “How about I risk it for a friend? For someone I’m coming to like quite a bit?”
She wanted everything he was offering her in that moment—safety, companionship, and yes, she could feel that he was offering her more. All it would take to bring their lips together was for her to go up on her toes and offer hers to him. She wanted that kiss, and that would be dangerous. Dangerous for her. Dangerous for him.
And she found she couldn’t walk away. She squeezed his hand because she also couldn’t close that slight distance between them. He was too perfect, and she’d learned that meant he wasn’t perfect at all. Or rather what he was offering her wasn’t. It would all go to hell, and he would get caught in the crossfire.
She stepped back. “All right. I’ll stay for the night and see where things go in the morning.”
“Can we compromise?” Michael murmured the question, his voice low and deep. “Stay with me through the weekend. We’ve got a lot of training to do, and this way you don’t have to worry about getting to and from work or finding a place to stay for a few days. You can take the guest room. My friend will be by in a while to bring you your things.”
Michael had asked a friend of his to stop by her place and grab a few things she would need for the next couple of days. At the time she’d been so overwhelmed by everything that had happened that she’d simply nodded and handed over her keys. She hadn’t even given him her address, but she suspected he could have gotten it from Dani or Julian. “All right.”
She felt his disappointment when she dropped his hand. She felt it too, but her history was between them. If she’d merely been a woman who’d met a man, she likely would have taken that kiss and everything else he’d offered, but the day weighed on her.
He stepped back. “Are you hungry? We skipped lunch.”
She followed him inside, and sure enough, she was in a gorgeous condo with floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking the city. It was quiet, the lights from the buildings around them providing soft illumination to the space.
She moved to the windows. They were a thing of beauty, making her feel like she was high above the city, looking down.
“I’m not hungry.” She felt her aloneness in that moment, felt the loss of her family, of her sister. Of George and Lara. Even Ashton. They’d been friends for so many years she’d felt like family, and her betrayal was like a death.
So much death. She ached inside because she had to wonder if she wasn’t the problem.
He moved in behind her. “I’ll order something for us in case you change your mind. Vanessa, you have to be feeling this. Can I hug you?”
“I don’t know if that’s such a good idea.” If he hugged her, she might feel again, and she wasn’t sure she could handle that tonight. He seemed to warm her when she needed her ice.
“Because you don’t want me to or because you think you don’t deserve it?”
It was obvious he was going to push her. “Because I think the people I care about get hurt, and I like you a lot. Probably too much. I don’t trust it.”
She’d leaned on him all day, not questioning how easy it was. He’d simply been there, and it had been natural to hold his hand and let him lead the way. All she’d had to do was let him take control and then the chaos hadn’t seemed so terrible. But now all of her thoughts and fears were firmly back in place.
“I like you, too. No matter what happens remember that I mean that. You’re not what I expected. Can you let me take the risks I’m willing to take? Because honestly, not touching you right now is killing me.”
She rested back against him, his arms coming around her and wrapping her up in warmth. Yes, it was every bit as bad/good as she thought it would be. It was so easy to drop her walls around him. She needed to keep them up. “I think I’m too numb to cry.”