Total pages in book: 90
Estimated words: 85211 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 426(@200wpm)___ 341(@250wpm)___ 284(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 85211 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 426(@200wpm)___ 341(@250wpm)___ 284(@300wpm)
Derek didn’t ask for specifics because he already seemed to know.
“I wish she hadn’t.”
“You wish that a woman you’re very attracted to hadn’t told you that she wants to be with you, something you already knew even if you want to pretend like you didn’t?” he asked, being a sarcastic son of a bitch.
“You’re one to talk, asshole.” That was a dark couple months, when Derek went off the deep end and decided to be a ginormous asshole who was solely intent on destruction. He’d checked out mentally and backtracked by a decade.
“Exactly. Don’t be like me.”
I looked at my beer.
“You called me out on my shit, and I didn’t listen. Now, it’s my turn to call you out.”
“Not the same whatsoever. That shit happened with Tabitha ten years before you were ready to be in a relationship again. It’s been a year for me. A year. And I was actually married for a couple years. Not the same. It’s waaaaay too soon to jump into something when I’ve been divorced for a year.”
“Way too soon?” he asked incredulously. “Yes, it’s way too soon for you to get married again. But it’s not too soon to be with someone you like and to see where it goes. I wasn’t in the room, but I can confidently tell you that Sicily didn’t get down on one knee and propose to you. Just take her to dinner, spend time with her, have a conversation. You’ll never be ready for anything more unless you take steps in the right direction. I probably would have been a terminal bachelor if I hadn’t been forced into my relationship with Emerson. Before we ever touched each other, we were in a relationship, even if I didn’t realize it. A relationship is not the combination of two bodies, but two minds, two souls. It’s talking, sharing, invisible affection, friendship. Then it got to the point where I didn’t really have a say in the matter. I found a woman I wanted, and I literally had no other option but to be with her. Do I have any regrets? Fuck. No.” He raised his left hand and turned his wrist to show off his ring. “The happiest I’ve ever been.”
“Been there, man.”
When he realized his mistake, he lowered his hand and gave a sigh. “She wasn’t the right one, Dex. In our family, that’s how it always goes. The first one is wrong, but the second one is perfect. The next woman will be everything you want, whether it’s Sicily or somebody else.”
My family continued to tell me that, but I couldn’t believe it.
“So, what happened? The poor girl told you how she felt, and you just…shot her down?”
“No. I told her the truth—I’m not ready.”
“Dex, I’ve heard you say how hot she is like five times—”
“Because she is hot. Fucking bangin’.”
“And she seems like a good person, too.”
“Yeah. She’s the best.” I felt like I was Batman and she was Robin. She cared about my work with all her heart, was in the profession for the right reasons, cared about every patient like she was the one cutting them open too. It was hard for me to be around other professionals who only cared about their bottom line because I just didn’t care about those things, so having a team that shared my values was important. And the fact that she had a hole in her heart that needed surgery made me connect to her, even though she’d never been my patient. There was a bond there now.
Derek cocked his head slightly, his eyebrows raised in pure surprise. “So, she’s bangin’ and she’s the best…and you aren’t going to go for it.”
I dropped my gaze and stared at my beer. “It’s one thing to be with someone and not know where it’s going to go because all possibilities are on the table. It’s another to be with someone when you know how it’s going to end—and not end well. We’ll be together for a while, and then I’ll dump her.”
“Why are you so certain you’re gonna dump her?”
I shrugged. “Because it’s just going to make me realize I’m not ready for a relationship. I really loved what I had with Catherine, and unless I can be that connected to another person again, I don’t want to bother. How do you think that will make Sicily feel? To know I’m always comparing her to my ex-wife and what we had…and knowing it’s not the same.”
“It’s not supposed to be the same. It’s supposed to be better.”
“Well, I’m just not there.” I shook my head. “I’m not even close. I still think about my marriage a lot, replay that day over and over in my head. It haunts me that if I’d just let another doctor do the operation, I would still be married right now.”