Total pages in book: 153
Estimated words: 148704 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 744(@200wpm)___ 595(@250wpm)___ 496(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 148704 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 744(@200wpm)___ 595(@250wpm)___ 496(@300wpm)
The sense of worthlessness, of deep-rooted resolve in the words he’s speaking, gnaw at me.
Doesn’t he know how much he means to me?
Is it not obvious what I feel for him?
My hands come up, latching on to his wrists, and his eyes slope at the edges. “You think I would change a thing about you if I could?” I whisper. “I wouldn’t. I like you the way you are. I always have, even when I understood little of what it meant.”
“I was the only man around you, Davis, and you knew no different. Now you do. Now you see. Look what I just fucking did.” He frowns. “Look what we’re doing now.”
“We’re just talking, Crew,” I gently say, trying to ease the tension overwhelming him.
“Exactly.” He pulls his hand from my face, freeing himself from my hold. “I acted a fucking fool and now you’re standing here feeling like the bad one? That’s fucked, Davis, and you know it. You should be screaming at me, fighting with me. You should have told me to leave.”
I hear what he’s saying, and maybe some parts are true. Maybe I should, but…
“I don’t want you to leave.”
“Because you need me, right?” He throws his hand out. “You know I’m a piece of shit, but you don’t care because you need me here until our deal is done.”
“No.”
“Yes.”
“No. If it were up to me, you’d never leave.” The words are out before I can stop them, a heavy dose of embarrassment, of vulnerability, sweeping over me and creating a deep ache in my chest.
He stares at me, his features twisted as he searches for the lie, convincing himself there must be one.
“Crew, I-I want you. I’ve always wanted you and being with you lately has done the opposite of what you’re saying it should. I-I want you even more now.” I pause a moment, moving toward him. “You said my body will tell me what it needs, and what it needs is you. What I need is you.” I grip his shirt, staring up at him. “Let me have you.”
Crew stares at me a long, pressing moment, and then he tears away, putting a half dozen steps between us.
He glares at me, taut anger on the outside, pain-laced fear within.
“And then what, huh?” His tone is sharp, though thick and unsteady. “You get what you want from me, what your body is telling you it needs, and you go find something better after, holding on to the memory of the asshole who took your virginity? For what, Davis? So you can say you scored the guy you weren’t supposed to want? Your brother’s fucked-up former friend? Your childhood crush? Your fucking foster brother?”
I shake my head, but he keeps going, crouching as he stabs his finger into his chest.
“I don’t want to be the one thing in your life you regret or the guy you roll your eyes at yourself for later, when you’re embarrassed by what you did, of how low you stooped.” His brows crash, pain flickering across his face. “I can’t be the man you fuck and forget, so—”
“I love you.”
I suck in a sharp breath once the words leave me, and Crew turns to stone before me, his body frozen in the crouching position.
After a solid seventeen seconds, he straightens, though his expression remains struck. Beaten, but not by pain or discomfort. It’s the refusal to believe what I’m saying, a subconscious insecurity… or maybe a shred of hope?
“I love you,” I say it again so he knows it wasn’t a slipped mistake. That I meant it.
“Stop.”
I shake my head, inching closer.
“Davis.” His chest heaves, his eyes glued to mine. “Stop.”
“I can’t. I won’t. I love you, Crew. Every bossy bit of you.” I pause a step away from him, our bodies near but not touching. “Psychotic tendencies and all,” I softly tease.
His Adam’s apple bobs with a thick swallow, his pinkie brushing mine at our sides. Crew says nothing for a long while, and then he steps closer, bringing his chest flush with mine.
“When did you stop listening to me?” he rasps.
I lace my hand with the one grazing mine, drawing it to my lips to kiss along his knuckles. “When did I ever truly listen at all?”
“Fair enough…” Slowly, his hand wraps around my lower back, holding me to him as he holds my gaze hostage, something softer swimming in his own. “I think I know why Layla might have thought what she did.”
I’m about to say it’s okay, that it doesn’t matter, and while it doesn’t really, I do want to know, so I say nothing.
“Since the minute I met her and Will, I’ve been busting my ass, trying to reach for shit I had no business reaching for, trying to become something better, trying to be someone worth something… someone worth you.”