Total pages in book: 88
Estimated words: 87179 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 436(@200wpm)___ 349(@250wpm)___ 291(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 87179 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 436(@200wpm)___ 349(@250wpm)___ 291(@300wpm)
“I know my father thinks your mom is the bee’s knees. Pretty sure it makes my mother a little jealous.”
“My mom is pretty great.” She smiled. “She really wants me to find my calling, to take a different route than she did. She’s worked hard so I can have opportunities she didn’t.”
“You said you wanted to be a nurse, right? Are you having doubts about that?”
“I think that’s the major I’ll choose, because I have to choose something. But whether it’s my calling, I’m not sure. A purpose is not necessarily about a career, but more about your impact on other people’s lives. I just want to have an impact. And I want to be happy. Those are the main things I need.” She turned to me, and the sun caught her eyes. “I don’t want to waste my life, you know?”
I understood exactly what she meant. So many of the people I knew couldn’t have cared less whether they wasted their lives away, basking in the sun all day with no real purpose. That was the essence of what had always bothered me about the entitled people I grew up with. Money bought them opportunities they didn’t even appreciate. Raven wanted her life to mean something.
“You know,” I said. “My parents and so many of their friends have all the money in the world, but they’re not happy. My mother drinks herself to sleep some nights. She doesn’t think I know, but I do. My father and she...they don’t even sleep in the same room anymore. So, what good is all that fucking money if you’re miserable half the time? It’s all bullshit, Raven. All of it. Take it from someone who’s rich—happiness does not come from money.”
She nodded. “I bet not a lot of people ask you about your problems. They probably assume you don’t have any. I can see how much pressure your mother puts on you.”
“My mother thinks I need to replicate my father’s success in order to be something in life. I’ve never agreed with that. Yet, here I am, going to Yale Law School in the fall and still feeling pressured to meet certain expectations. I feel too guilty to turn down the opportunities afforded me, because I know so many people don’t have them. But deep down, all I want is pretty much the same as you: to be happy and feel like my life means something.”
I could have sat here in this car all day talking to her. Her scent was killing me. That, coupled with the sheen of sweat on her forehead, reminded me of all the other ways I wanted to make her sweat. Every second she looked in my eyes, she owned a little more of me. These feelings were not going away.
Her voice snapped me out of my thoughts.
“I would imagine,” she said, “the more you have, the more you want, and then there comes a point where nothing is good enough. Nothing can make you happy.”
I nodded. “I’m only twenty-one, and I’ve driven the best cars, eaten the best food, traveled—lived a life most people dream of. There’s nowhere to go but down. And I don’t feel anywhere near fulfilled. I want so much more—connections with real people with similar interests, things money can’t buy.”
I want you. The sentiment felt like it was bursting from my chest.
“I’ve made no secret of the fact that I want more with you, Raven. But this right here? Just talking to you like this…someone I can relate to? Fuck, I’d rather have just this with you than nothing at all. I mean that.”
She challenged me. “But can we really do just this?”
Though I wasn’t sure I believed my own words, I said, “Not everything has to be about sex.”
“I’ve never had sex,” she countered.
My body stiffened. “You’ve never...uh...you’re...you mean you’re a…”
“A virgin.” She nodded. “I’ve never had sex.”
That blew me away. “Wow.”
“Not sure why I just admitted that. I guess I didn’t feel like I could agree or disagree with your statement if I didn’t have the experience to back it up.”
That truth was a wake-up call, and one more reason it would be better if nothing sexual happened between us this summer. There was no way I wanted to take Raven’s virginity and then leave.
Most of the girls our age I knew weren’t virgins. I guess that made me jaded. But it wasn’t just that. Raven was so fucking sexy it was hard to believe she’d never had sex.
“I’m sorry if I seem surprised. You have a certain sexual energy about you. And I just assumed…”
She cocked a brow. “A slutty energy?”
“No. Not at all...just this inexplicable sexual energy. I would’ve never guessed you hadn’t done it.”
“I’m quite aware that most of the girls my age have had sex by now. It’s not that I’m saving myself for marriage or anything. I just want to make sure that when I do it, it’s with the right person. I don’t want to have sex just for the sake of it. My mother got pregnant with me when she was my age, so I’m conditioned to believe sex can lead to things I’m not ready for. Nothing is foolproof. I think people take it too lightly.”