Total pages in book: 134
Estimated words: 130159 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 651(@200wpm)___ 521(@250wpm)___ 434(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 130159 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 651(@200wpm)___ 521(@250wpm)___ 434(@300wpm)
“What if he never does?” The desolation in her voice tore at him.
“Then he never loved us enough in the first place.”
Her face twisted with refusal. “I don’t believe that.”
“I don’t want to believe it. But until Seth decides to tell us how he really feels, I don’t know what to think.”
Heavenly didn’t say anything for a long moment. Finally, she wiped her cheeks. Defeat crept into her voice. “You’re right.”
At least she saw his point, though he wished like hell he hadn’t had to make it. “Come on, little girl. It’s late. Let’s try to get some sleep. If you need, we can talk again in the morning.”
Heavenly nodded as he eased out of bed.
After he changed out of his clothes and autopiloted through his nightly routine, they climbed back between the sheets. Beck extinguished the light and held her in his arms, tucking her close, then shutting his eyes.
Normally, Heavenly’s warm breath on his chest soothed him to sleep, but not tonight. The unanswered questions dive-bombing Beck’s brain only reignited his anger and angst. Beside him, Heavenly wasn’t faring any better. He could feel her lashes fluttering against his skin with every blink.
“I’m scared,” she confessed in the dark.
“Don’t be. And don’t give up hope. Seth fought too hard for this—for us—to just walk away. He loves you, and love is the most powerful emotion on the planet.”
“Maybe he just needs more time. I can give that to him. What about you?”
“No, not if he keeps ripping out your heart this way. Seth isn’t the only protector in this relationship.”
She tightened her arms around him. “I know, and I love you for it.”
Beck kissed the top of her head. “It’s killing me to sit back and do nothing, especially when my job is to fix people.”
“I’m sure. But I know firsthand that grief is hard. Even though I had months—years, really—to prepare for Dad’s death, I wasn’t ready for him to go, especially not so quickly. But Seth had zero warning, no time to brace himself to lose his wife and baby. They were just ripped violently from his life.”
“I don’t pretend to understand everything he went through—or what he’s dealing with now that those memories have resurfaced. Seriously, I’m not trying to be a heartless prick, but he’s dodging us. On top of that, his refusal to tell his mom about us isn’t okay.”
“Well, I’m sure it’s not easy to—”
“Fly your freak flag in front of a parent? I know you struggled, and I didn’t appreciate how much until you explained. But you lived through it—in the worst possible circumstances. What really pisses me off is that he’s not willing to compromise. How can any relationship last without give and take? Think about what happens if he doesn’t come clean with his family. We’ll always be stuck—every birthday, every holiday, every visit—hiding or lying or pretending to be something we’re not. We’ll be stuck in limbo. I fucking hate that.”
“Me, too. I spent years there, every day between my father’s diagnosis and the day he died. The not knowing almost killed me.”
“Exactly. After I left Messiah City and ended up in Vegas, I lived minute to minute, digging through dumpsters for food and searching for safe places to sleep where I wouldn’t get raped or killed.”
Heavenly squeezed him again and pressed a soft kiss to his chest. “I’m so grateful Gloria found you.”
“Me, too.”
Several minutes passed before Heavenly’s broken whisper cut the silence. “I wish I hadn’t wasted so much time.”
“With your dad?”
“No, with us. It shouldn’t have taken me months to realize that I love you both. I wish I would have admitted that instead of sending you two away. We could have had more time together, been building a stronger foundation…”
“Seth and I pissed away weeks fighting each other for you, rather than embracing you together.”
“We’re both right. If we hadn’t been so stubborn, maybe Seth wouldn’t be holding back now.” She sighed. “So many maybes, what-ifs, and regrets. Lots of those.”
“You can’t blame yourself. You couldn’t have known. I couldn’t, either. There’s no reason to feel guilt.” Beck cupped her cheek and tilted her head back, staring into her beloved face in shadow. “Seth is responsible for his emotions and his choices. It’s on him to decide whether he’s going to walk away or commit. And he needs to decide soon. If he can’t, we’re better off without him.”
After Beck left, Seth tossed on the sofa as the words they’d exchanged turned over in his head.
Maybe it’s best if you don’t come home.
Wow, he’d always known Beck’s tolerance for BS was low, but even Seth hadn’t expected him to hit so hard or so quickly.
If the shoe was on the other foot, what would you do?
Seth winced. And Heavenly? What must she be thinking? Beck hadn’t been shy about the fact his failure to come home and his excuses had hurt her. Seth felt ashamed. The last thing he ever wanted to do was upset their girl. But he’d asked for a couple of days to get his head together.