Total pages in book: 71
Estimated words: 68166 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 341(@200wpm)___ 273(@250wpm)___ 227(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 68166 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 341(@200wpm)___ 273(@250wpm)___ 227(@300wpm)
“Did that work for you?” he asked.
“No,” I admitted.
He stood behind me, his heat wrapping around me. “You didn’t think that I would suffer? That I would miss you for the rest of my life?”
“I didn’t think I was as important to you as Hidden Justice and your work there.”
He settled his hands on my shoulders. “Tally, how could you think that? I loved you.”
I heard the past tense and tried not to let my tears escape. “Not as much as I loved you,” I whispered.
He spun me in his arms. “You’re wrong. I loved you completely. More every day.”
“You seemed to be pulling away from me. And you didn’t trust me. Not enough to tell me.”
“I was wrong. I thought I was protecting you, but the truth was, I was protecting myself. I was afraid, with your history, how you hated violence, you would leave me if you knew how much violence my world contained. The same things that gave me the ability to protect you could also destroy us.” He touched his forehead to mine. “And they did.”
“I loved you so much, but I was so scared.”
“Of me?” he asked again.
“No, of loving you more than you loved me. Of not being enough. Of losing you.”
“Tally, how could you doubt my love for you?”
“Because you rarely said it. You loved me with your body, protected me with your actions, but you never said the words. After we got married, it felt as if there was a disconnect between us,” I confessed.
He frowned.
“You would leave for ‘meetings’ and be gone for hours. You didn’t let me in, Julian. You seemed so busy with things, but you never let me help. You hid what you were planning from me. I would wait for you for hours, then come home to an empty apartment. When you did come home, you were preoccupied.” I ran a hand over my hair. “I thought you were bored with me already. I didn’t know what to do. How to reach you. How to be a good wife. I felt as if I was failing. I wondered if you regretted marrying me.”
JULIAN
I stared down at her, so many thoughts and feelings swirling in my mind. So many questions, misconceptions, and pain we had to work through.
“Never,” I replied. “I never regretted marrying you. The only thing I regret is letting you think I didn’t love you as strongly as you loved me. I had planned on telling you everything once I had taken care of the situation. But I was caught up in the discovery of your brother and how despicable he was. Not knowing how to tell you everything you thought about him was a lie. In making plans in case anything did happen to me. A will. The right paperwork at Hidden Justice. I had never had to think about anyone else aside from myself before, and I wanted to make sure you were looked after. Everything seemed to need my attention. I thought you knew—that you understood the depth of my feelings.” I slipped my fingers under her chin. “Going forward, I will make certain you know every single day how much I love you.”
“Going forward?”
I lifted her hands to my mouth and kissed them. “I need you to forgive me. I need to forgive you. We have to in order to move forward. To build our life together.”
She stepped back, shaking her head, walking away. She stopped at the window, crossing her arms. “I can’t, Julian. As much as I love you, I can’t do this.”
“Why?” I asked, fighting down my anxiety and impatience. What was I missing?
“It’s still there. The danger. What you do.”
I frowned.
“I won’t take her away. We’ll arrange visitation, and you can see her whenever you want. But I can’t live with the fact that one day I’ll get a call from Damien, and this time, you won’t come back to us. I need to build my own life.”
I approached her, shaking my head. “Listen to me. I am not doing ops anymore. I meant it when I said your brother ended that for me. I work from my desk. I don’t even join the team for outside recon. Nothing. I can’t pull a gun fast enough or rely on my arm to be steady enough to pull the trigger. I am nothing but a shadow. I assign the men. Debrief and help them. That is all.”
“And when that isn’t enough? When you decide to go back out there?”
“I won’t. I have too much to live for.”
“But you won’t give it up.”
I inhaled deeply. “If you ask me to, I will. For you.”
“Then you would resent me.”
“I don’t know what the future holds, but I do know I want you in it. If that’s what you need, I’ll do it.”