Total pages in book: 86
Estimated words: 83071 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 415(@200wpm)___ 332(@250wpm)___ 277(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 83071 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 415(@200wpm)___ 332(@250wpm)___ 277(@300wpm)
Bethany couldn’t help me anymore.
I’d starve from now on.
And hope that Magnus came back in time.
The days passed, and I grew weaker.
Even with the food Bethany had given me before, I still wasn’t eating enough.
So, I declined quickly.
I struggled to carry the boxes, struggled to even be cognitively aware of anything. My body shut down first and then my mind. I stopped being hungry after day three, because my body seemed to accept my demise.
I stopped craving food, stopped thinking about food altogether because it only made my situation more unbearable. If I did feel an appetite, I thought about dog shit. Otherwise, I would fantasize about the lunches Bethany ate in front of me.
When I glanced across the clearing to look at my sister, she never met my gaze. Her eyes were always down, like she wanted to be invisible. It seemed like she was purposely not looking at me…because she couldn’t.
Because she wouldn’t be able to hide her pain.
The night before the Red Snow, I lay in bed and looked at the ceiling, hoping that Magnus would walk in and bring me dinner, return my life back to the way it used to be. I actually missed those days, appreciated how good he had been to me.
But he never came.
No one came.
The next day was my fifth day without food.
And I was so weak.
Every time I had a box to move, I had to take a lot of deep breaths before I lifted it, and when I made my way down the table, I could only take one step at a time, because my legs shook from the exertion.
I groaned as I forced myself to take another step…and then another.
But then I tripped and spilled the contents everywhere.
No.
Girls immediately got up from their seats and quickly helped me, like that would draw less attention to my blunder.
“Get up!” The guard stepped forward, yelled at the top of his lungs, and made the girls sprint away like mice returning to their holes.
I was still on the ground, trying to scoop the coke back into the box even though most of it had been lost. It was mixed with snow, the powder turning into sludge.
His footsteps crunched against the snow as he came closer, taking his time like he relished every single moment. He kneeled so he could be level with me. “You know how much this costs?”
I already knew my fate before it happened.
I knew I was the name at the top of the list.
I’d waited too long for Magnus to come back…and I should have caved.
He grabbed the box and pulled it away from me. “This is ten million dollars…that you just spilled all over the fucking ground.”
I was still, my eyes on the ground, the snow that made my knees frigid through my pants.
“Look at me.”
There was no hope for me at this point. I should have just gotten on my knees and sucked him off. Now I couldn’t save my sister. I couldn’t save myself. I let my self-respect jeopardize my survival. I waited for a man to come to my rescue when I’d already learned not to expect shit from a man.
He lowered his voice so only I could hear. “Was it worth it?”
I kept my gaze down.
“Was a blow job worth your life?” He rose to his feet, holding the remaining coke inside the cardboard box. Then he turned it over and poured it all over me, just the way I’d dumped food onto the floor in my cabin. He raised his voice again. “The entire batch is ruined—and you’ll pay for that.”
It was impossible to get through the rest of the day.
I was literally waiting for death.
My fate was sealed when lunch was delivered.
The guard didn’t stand over us, because it didn’t matter.
At the end of the day, that noose would go around my neck, they would kick out the crate from underneath my feet, and then I would be stabbed in the stomach, my guts spilling onto the ground as I dangled and gasped for air.
That was how I was going to die—like that.
I was a good person who always took care of everyone else. I did everything right, always lived a life of honesty and integrity, always did the right thing even when no one was looking. But that virtue didn’t change my fate, didn’t protect me from this cruel end. I didn’t even save my sister, didn’t sacrifice my life for someone else, so my death really was a complete waste.
Just as my life had been.
Bethany kept lifting her gaze to look at me, the pain in her eyes showing her thoughts, showing the turmoil she felt at my expense. She knew exactly what I knew. She knew my fate before they even announced it.
She would probably be the last person I ever spoke to. “Thanks for helping me.”