Total pages in book: 167
Estimated words: 164557 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 823(@200wpm)___ 658(@250wpm)___ 549(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 164557 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 823(@200wpm)___ 658(@250wpm)___ 549(@300wpm)
Taking a breath, I go through the calming process, breaking down all the elements of the decision.
ACTION: Reach out to biological brother.
Next up is the pros and cons section. I start keying in points under each column.
PROS:
Learning about my heritage
Possibly making a new friend
CONS:
Betraying family
What if they’re mad?
What if they never speak to me again?
What if he’s an asshole?
I write as many pros and cons as I can think of, then lean back and rub my hands together. This is where the process goes from a regular old pros and cons list to the Method. It’s Charlie’s time to shine.
Since this entails dissecting the negative consequences, I copy and paste my list of cons into a new section and expand on each one.
The goal: determine the worst possible outcome of executing this action.
To make the best use of the Method, I tend to exclude things like “murder” and “tortured in serial killer’s basement dungeon” from the worst-case list, because the stats for those outcomes are always too low to merit real consideration.
The purpose of the Method is to establish the worst outcome with the highest probability of occurring, then determine whether I can live with that consequence.
OUTCOME #1: My family will never speak to me again.
Yes, this sounds like a soul-crushing outcome. But how likely is it?
Time for the in-depth assessment. Sometimes, the answer relies on common sense. Other times, it’s anecdotal. Most times, there’s a level of research involved. And if there’s one thing that gets me hotter than an organized calendar, it’s research.
Realistically, I can’t see my family never talking to me again. Dad still speaks to his brother even though Uncle Erik stole my father’s credit card number and used it to rack up a year’s worth of charges after Erik’s wife divorced him and took all his money. If Dad can forgive that, he can forgive anything.
But of course, we never say never, so I hedge my bets and assign this outcome a 1 percent likelihood.
To the question Can I live with this, I write NO.
Moving on. What is the next worst thing that could happen?
OUTCOME #2: Our relationship will be forever changed.
I chew on the inside of my cheek. Definitely a strong likelihood here. And this is something I can more or less verify. I spend the next hour online, poring over stories from adopted kids who sought out their biological parents and how their adoptive families reacted. It seems, for the most part, their families were supportive. Forever changed, yes. Bad? Maybe not.
I give the likelihood 90 percent, but since the stats tell me it probably won’t be a negative change, I can live with it. Anytime I answer YES to that question, it gets removed from the possible outcome list.
On and on I go, assessing each outcome.
He might meet me and reject me. Medium probability. Can I live with that? YES.
He might ignore me altogether. High probability. Can I live with that? YES.
I’ll meet him and won’t like him. Medium probability. Can I live with that? YES.
When I’m done running the numbers, the Method determines that the worst possible outcome, which would be utterly devastating and unfathomable to me, is a 1 percent chance of my family never speaking to me again.
In other words, reaching out to the guy that the internet says is my brother won’t be the end of the world.
My phone is all the way on the other side of the bedroom, so I load the BioRoots website on my laptop and create a new message. When you sign up, you have the option to make your name public, which I opted to do. The whole point of this was to find my biological relatives. If they exist, I want them to be able to contact me.
But those relatives have the option to remain anonymous, which is what this biological match chose. His username is HLS315.
I take a few minutes to consider what to write before deciding this isn’t rocket science. Keep it short and simple. My fingers fly over the keyboard as I craft my message.
Hi there,
I’m sure you received the same notification I did. And if you didn’t…well, looks like I’m your biological sister. Surprise!
I know this is awkward. And sort of nerve-racking. And I’m not putting any pressure on you whatsoever. I just wanted to let you know that I’m here and totally willing to chat, whether it’s on the phone or just texting or if at some point you want to meet in person. I’m based outside Boston and attend Briar University. Not sure what state you’re in (your location just says USA), but if you ever want to meet or talk, please reach out.
Sincerely,
Charlotte
CHAPTER FIVE
WILL
You asked how life is annoying. That’s fucking how.
MY FATHER THINKS HE’S THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN EVERY ROOM.
Granted, in Della’s Diner, on a Monday afternoon, he probably is. I certainly don’t see another U.S. congressman occupying any of the red vinyl booths. The problem is this congressman is more pompous than most, which says a lot, because I’ve never met a politician who wasn’t obsessed with himself.