Total pages in book: 124
Estimated words: 116232 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 581(@200wpm)___ 465(@250wpm)___ 387(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 116232 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 581(@200wpm)___ 465(@250wpm)___ 387(@300wpm)
An invisible fist tightened in my chest.
“That can’t happen.” His expression was resigned. “We both know it won’t lead anywhere.”
Because I worked for him. Because my father was his boss. And because Noah was thirteen years older than me and didn’t have time for love. There was a mountain’s worth of reasons why we wouldn’t work.
But my stupid heart did not care.
It wanted him, regardless.
“We have to stay friends,” he said as he delivered a sad smile. “Hell, since I moved back, you’re one of the only friends I’ve got.”
He’d probably meant for it to sound like a joke, but I heard the truth buried in his words. The connection to him lashed tighter around me. I still had a few friends around from high school, but we were on different paths. They were all in college, in serious relationships or engaged, and had moved on with their lives. They weren’t stuck or floundering like I was.
Coming home had made him lonely, and no one understood that better than I did. The only time I hadn’t felt that same loneliness was when I’d been here at his house.
“Tell me I didn’t fuck this up,” he said quietly. “Tell me we can still be friends.”
My voice was unsteady. “Friends who watch each other fuck, but don’t kiss.”
His shoulders lifted with an enormous breath. Maybe he was thinking about what a terrible idea that’d be, but it was overruled because of how badly he wanted it. He peered at me with an intense look and slowly nodded.
My gaze dropped to the floor, and I stared at the tile, wanting to collapse on it and pout about how truly unfair this all was. But rather than throw a tantrum, I swallowed my disappointment and formed a plan.
I couldn’t have him now, but I could bide my time and convince him. I wanted this—and things usually worked out for me.
“Fine,” I announced, pressing out a tight smile. “I can do that.”
TWELVE
Noah
I lost my goddamn mind when it came to Charlotte. The girl put me off balance. No, worse—she made my brain stop working.
My afternoon with Shannon had been enjoyable enough until I’d spied Charlotte lurking in the doorway. Her face was flushed and her mouth hung open, and it was shameful how quickly my focus shifted to her. I’d expected the girl to back away with disgust when our gazes had met, but no.
She’d liked what she saw.
It wasn’t shock making her cheeks red or her lips part, it was desire.
Everything that followed was a hazy blur of lust. Exhibitionism usually didn’t rank high on my kink list, but when she was watching? It was so fucking hot, I could barely keep it together.
And when she’d put her hand between her legs, I was done for.
I’d been in the lifestyle almost ten years, and I’d had lots of partners and a wide variety of experiences. So how the fuck had this experience with her blown everything else out of the water? How had it been the most erotic thing I’d ever participated in?
And then our conversation afterward—it was almost cruel how curious and interested she’d been. Shit, she was too good to be true.
I saw so much of myself in her when I’d been starting out. If she’d been anyone else, I would have loved getting to show her more. To watch her open her eyes and see all the new things out there.
It was fucking stupid of me to put her on the counter and give her an orgasm, but I’d lost all reason, and it was entirely her fault. I justified it to myself, saying she needed it. That I owed it to her.
When it was over, I couldn’t even bring myself to feel regret. There was no undoing it, so all we could do was move forward.
Friends.
I knew it was a terrible, selfish idea, but I couldn’t stop myself. I’d meant what I said about her being one of my only friends, and if I’d been stronger, I would have cut her off. Trying to be friends with her was going to be an exercise in torture.
To put a finer point on that, after she’d agreed we’d be friends with fucked-up benefits, Charlotte announced that since she was already here, she was going to clean. My unease with the arrangement increased tenfold. I liked power imbalance when I was in a scene, but only when our roles were defined, and consent was given.
This was . . . messy.
Like a coward, I hid in my office and tried to focus on my trades. I didn’t reply to the group chat with Patrick and Shannon, where they wanted to set up our next date. My head was swimming with thoughts of the girl who was in my bedroom, tidying up like nothing had happened there.