Total pages in book: 107
Estimated words: 103281 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 516(@200wpm)___ 413(@250wpm)___ 344(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 103281 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 516(@200wpm)___ 413(@250wpm)___ 344(@300wpm)
Derek watched me, his arms folded on the table, a quiet sigh coming from his lips every now and then. Emerson took Lizzie and the boys to her parents’ so we could have some privacy.
“She won’t even look at me.” I kept my eyes on the beer.
“She’s depressed. It has nothing to do with you.”
“Well, I’m depressed too.” I tapped the beer against the table and lifted my gaze to look at him. “I lost him too. It’s like she resents me, like I murdered him or something.”
“That’s not what she thinks—”
“Seems like it.”
“How would we be if we lost Dad?” Derek asked gently. “I don’t think I’d be any better in six weeks.”
“I understand that. I just…we should get through this together. But instead, she’s pushed me away. I’m devastated too. I loved that man too. And losing my wife isn’t making it any better.”
“You aren’t losing her,” he said simply. “But…maybe suggest couples therapy. It would be good for both of you, especially right now. It can help you guys deal with the grief of it all. I’m not a fan of therapy either, but when I saw Dr. Collins, it did help.”
I wasn’t a go-to-therapy kind of guy, but I would try anything at this point.
“And people handle grief in different ways. Your job right now is to give your wife whatever she needs. And if space is what she needs, you have to give it to her. I know that’s difficult because it’s the opposite of what you need right now, but that’s what it means to be a husband—to put your wife’s needs above your own.”
***
I stepped into the penthouse and immediately noticed the difference.
The smell of dinner didn’t waft from the kitchen, music didn’t play over the speakers, the TV wasn’t on, most of the lights were off…like no one was home. I didn’t even shut the door behind myself before I stepped farther into the room.
Because I saw her standing there.
Her bags on the couch.
Her arms crossed over her chest.
Her eyes on the floor.
My body immediately started to shut down, to grow angry and afraid at the same time. What I’d feared had come to pass. My instinct had been right this entire time. I could feel the energy radiating from her body day in and day out. “No.”
She lifted her chin and looked at me, her eyes puffy and red like she’d already had a good cry before I came home. She kept her arms over her chest, totally cut off from me, like there was no negotiation.
“Let’s talk. I’ve wanted to talk this entire time, but I knew I needed to wait until you were ready. If you’re ready now, let’s do it. Let’s go to couples therapy. But this conversation does not end with you taking your shit and walking out—”
“You promised me.” The tears escaped her body with a jolt and cascaded down her cheeks, and her hand immediately covered her face to stifle her reaction. “You promised me he would be okay…and now he’s dead.”
There was no way to describe the pain I felt at the implication of her words. “I did everything I possibly could, Catherine. Please don’t tell me you blame me for what happened.”
She stilled her emotion and dropped her hand. “You never said what happened—”
“Because I don’t fucking know what happened. I made no errors. His heart just wasn’t strong enough. It was his time. No other surgeon in the world would have had different results.”
“You don’t know that—”
“Yes, I fucking do know that.” I stepped closer to her, not wanting to raise my voice, but it was inevitable. The door was wide open and our voices trailed into the hallway, but I didn’t give a damn right now. “Because I’m the best heart surgeon in the fucking world. That was why I agreed to do this surgery, because I knew your father would never get better care anywhere else. I put myself in this difficult situation because it was the right call for your father. You have no idea how much of a burden I carried for you—because I want to give you everything you deserve.”
She dropped her gaze again.
“I’m so sorry that you lost him. I loved him like a father, Catherine, so the loss has been devastating for me too. But we need to get through this together, not apart. For you to resent me for what happened is ludicrous.”
She kept her gaze on the floor, her breathing deep and hard. She didn’t say anything, and it didn’t seem like she was going to.
I noticed her wedding ring was gone and felt a painful burn in my chest. “We’ll get through this, alright? We’ll go to therapy and work through it. It’ll take some time for things to feel normal again, but we’ll get there.”