Total pages in book: 88
Estimated words: 81488 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 407(@200wpm)___ 326(@250wpm)___ 272(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 81488 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 407(@200wpm)___ 326(@250wpm)___ 272(@300wpm)
“And I didn’t care then, and I don’t care now. Oh, really? Suck my hairy ball sack, ya fuckin’ stupid hillbilly! Okay, I’m back, Roman,” Kage stated calmly, as if he’d not said much to anyone at all. He could hear what may have been the man’s truck keys jangling as he walked.
“Just another day at Home Depot, huh?” Roman chuckled.
“Yeah. Came out here to get my load of lumber to build this ol’ lady’s sewin’ room. She’s payin’ good money, and this fuckin’ feral satchel of shit that I contacted today on some pricing brought his ass over here yonder and tried to be a middleman. He tried to overcharge me. Some of these contractors are a piece of work, Roman. I know what the hell the price is. I come here several times a week and have a freelancer discount. This is what I do for a livin’. He was gonna give me one price, then pocket the rest. He got busted. I called him out on his lie and he ain’t take too kindly to that.”
Roman heard someone yelling in the background but couldn’t quite make out what they were saying. And then, the voices got louder.
“You’re a damn liar, man! Talkin’ shit on that there phone. All of your five-star ratings are fake reviews!” the suspected scammer screamed.
“Oh, I’m lying?” Kage chuckled. “Didn’t I tell you to bend over, kiss your own ass, and go bye-bye? Stay tha fuck outta my conversation, smegma. What I say on a motherfuckin’ phone that I pay for don’t concern the likes of you, and the only thing that’s fake ’round here are the orgasms your wife has when you’re huffin’ and puffin’ on top of ’er like some brainless wind-up toy! …A! A! … Don’t come over here… Don’t you waddle your ass this way, you silly son of a bitch… I mean it! IF YOU TAKE ANOTHER GOTDAMN STEP TOWARDS ME, SHITHEAD, YOU’LL BE LAID OUT FLAT LIKE A STACK OF IHOP PANCAKES SMASHED UNDER A BUICK’S TIRES! …Oh, you wanna test the waters, I see?!”
“You’re damn skippy! I tread lightly like Moses!”
“Water it is! This here well has run dry, like your mama’s pussy.”
“Fuck yoooooou! PTIU!!! Is it still dry, you summa-ma-bitch?!”
“This motherfucker spit on me! Roman, hold my gotdamn beer!”
Roman closed his eyes and shook his head as he heard a king-sized melee in the background. He could hear someone yelling for dear life, and it sure as hell wasn’t his cousin, Kage. It genuinely sounded like someone was getting mud-stumped, the brakes beaten off of them, an invitation to go to the upper room, and their face rearranged like a Picasso painting. Kage was a wild animal with rabies. A monster with huge, tattooed fists who didn’t play fair. The last thing a sane person would do was to engage Kage in a physical confrontation on purpose. Kage was stark raving mad, and there was no way to change that fact.
“STOP! OH, MY LORD! Someone call for help!” a feminine voice cried out. Moments later, Roman heard Kage’s truck spark up, and what sounded like him peeling out of there. ‘Kryptonite,’ by 3DoorsDown, played through his cousin’s truck speakers, blasting him almost deaf until Kage eventually turned it down. He could hear a lighter strike, which was probably Kage lighting a cigarette.
“Alright,” Kage stated in a deep, calm voice, full of rasp and razors. “What’s up, man?”
“Kage.” Roman chuckled real easy like. “Never a dull moment with you.”
“Just another day in paradise, brother.”
“My father was attacked in prison, and he’s recoverin’ in the hospital. Almost lost his life.”
“Uncle Reeves?! The fuck?! Who did it?!”
“It’s a long story, and I need to give you the background history, but of course it starts with the old man.”
“Why don’t you shoot ’em in the face and get it over with?”
“I ain’t going to prison, man. Fuck that.” Roman laughed and Kage followed suit, though he was certain Kage didn’t really see a problem in the least with his proposition.
“In fairness, you’re too pretty to go to the slammer. Motherfuckers would try to turn you into their bitch. They’d find out the hard way you got hands. My cousin the ‘Ex-Marine, beauty pageant winner’ would be in there whoopin’ ass.” Kage grunted. “So, what happened?”
“Grandpa got me locked up a while back.”
“Yeah, I heard.”
“After that, he sent some fella to follow me around while I was on a date with my girlfriend. I had to handle that situation personally. Not too long after, that guy ended up dead.”
“You ain’t take him out?”
“No. It was Grandpa. I know because the police called me and said he was found dead, his throat sliced open, with my business card in his pocket. Thankfully, my alibi panned out. I know Grandpa put my card in there, ’cause I never gave that son of a bitch my credentials. I never gave him shit but embarrassment and a final warning.”