The Big Fake Read Online Penelope Bloom

Categories Genre: Funny, Romance Tags Authors:
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Total pages in book: 106
Estimated words: 99356 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 497(@200wpm)___ 397(@250wpm)___ 331(@300wpm)
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“You two are already sexting, huh?” she asked. “Good for you. Seriously, fuck Eric. I hope you let this guy give it to you right up the ass on the copier, just to show him. You’ll just need to figure out the logistics of how to get the anal thing clear on print. Maybe if you both really hunker down right as it scans?”

I pressed my palm to my forehead, tapping out of the picture on my phone and setting it face down on the desk. “Okay, first of all? Eric doesn’t work here. I wouldn’t be teaching anybody anything with that, except myself, maybe. Because then I’d be just as fired as Eric and his little harem of cheaters–God knows how many more there were besides those two. Second, we’re not officially dating or anything. It’s just…”

Marley leaned closer, eyebrows creeping up.

I closed my eyes and thought about the agreement we’d made. Sure, I planned to only call in the fake boyfriend card weeks or months from now in a desperate situation. Claiming to have a new man only a day after The Crackening, 2022, was hardly a good look. But I had to do something to explain what she’d just seen.

“Okay,” I said, quietly so she had to lean in. “It’s official, but nobody can know. So it has to be between me and you. I don’t want people thinking we were dating before the break up or something.”

“Were you?” Marley asked so fast I could tell she almost wanted it to be true.

“No. There was only one cheater in our relationship.”

She leaned back, arms crossed. “Okay, but holy shit. This new guy is mega hot. Like, put down what you’re doing just to watch him go by levels of hot. He’s hot enough that I’d happily be his sugar momma if I wasn’t broke ass poor. I mean, not that he looked like he needed my money. He’s rich, right?” Without waiting for me to respond, she brought her face right up to mine, eyes wide pools of imagination. “I’d swim naked in a pool of his money with him. I’d sleep in it.” She added that last bit in a hushed tone, as if sleeping in money was orders of magnitude more crazy than swimming naked in it.

“I’m sure he has money,” I said. “But I don’t care about that.” I didn’t, either. Because Dean was just an agreement to me. Something practical and nothing more.

“I’d let him violate me with a solid gold bar. I bet he has several. Just–” she went bow-legged and gestured with both hands to her crotch in a vulgar and disturbing chopping motion.

I pulled a face between a grimace and a smile. “I think you might need therapy.”

“Sure. Dean can be my doctor. The only cure? His throbbing, thick–”

“We’re talking about my boyfriend,” I said. My voice had a little more of a sharp edge than I intended. I realized Marley’s words had sparked a curious and disturbing pang of jealousy in my gut. I pushed it down and smiled benevolently. “Dean is great, yes. And he’s our great little secret, okay? Can I trust you to keep it?”

Marley winked. “You don’t really have a choice, do you?”

“Murder is always on the table,” I suggested.

She rolled her eyes. “Dude, you couldn’t murder me if you wanted to. I bet all the weights you lift are pretty little pastel colors and made of soft rubber, right?”

I thought of the set of weights I had in my studio apartment–pink, baby blue, and purple. And yes, they were very soft and easy on the hands. “No,” I said quickly.

Marley laughed and I smiled too. She squeezed my bicep and it squished without more than the suggestion of pressure from her fingers.

“I love you, Pearl. So if you ever need me murdered, ask me for help first, okay? You’d definitely strain something trying to off me. And you’d for sure stress all day about it.”

I smirked. “Got it. If I ever decide to murder you to keep my secrets, I’ll ask you to help me do it.”

“Good. Now I’m going to need you to secure a shirtless picture of your new boyfriend. For research purposes.”

“Um, not happening,” I said.

She laughed. “It was worth a try. By the way, that thing does not look done. Jonas is going to kill you if you don’t hurry and get it finished in…” she checked her phone. “Four hours.”

“Yeah, yeah. I can do it. And if I can’t, I’ll just ask my sister to soften him up for me.”

“Ugh,” Marley said. “I keep forgetting she’s dating him. For the record, having your sister date the boss is definitely a form of cheating. I’m going to HR about this.”

“Say ‘hi’ to whoever replaced Emilia while you’re there for me.”

Marley laughed, waved, and left me to my task.


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