Total pages in book: 91
Estimated words: 87392 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 437(@200wpm)___ 350(@250wpm)___ 291(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 87392 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 437(@200wpm)___ 350(@250wpm)___ 291(@300wpm)
“Hi, Anna,” I said, bending to pet her. She was mottled black and white, and she was about the size of a tiny horse.
Another dog sauntered in, even bigger than the first one.
“And that is Elsa,” Evan said, pointing at the big brown Great Dane, who was now cuddling up on the bed next to Anna.
“Wait a minute,” I said. “Anna and Elsa…”
“Yep. Red named his dogs after characters in Frozen,” Evan said.
“How the hell does someone like Red watch the movie Frozen?” I asked. “He doesn’t even have kids. I only saw it because Zach watched it over and over again when he was seven.”
“It’s a great movie!” Evan protested.
“But Red is a badass cowboy,” I said.
“Exactly. And he’s a badass cowboy who isn’t afraid to love Frozen.”
“Good point.”
“Great Danes are such sweethearts,” Evan said. “I could picture having one someday.”
“Me too,” I said. “I love all types of dogs, though. Anything from a big boy like this to a tiny chihuahua.”
“I can picture you living on a big plot of land with a miniature zoo all around you,” Evan said as we stood up, heading over to one of the nearby couches. “Actually, to be honest, I was always surprised that you stayed living in the city for so long. You seem like a ranch kind of guy.”
I nodded. “I think I am more of a ranch type of guy. Hell, I’ve even thought about building a little coop in the backyard at my house here and keeping a few chickens.”
“How did you even survive in Chicago?” Evan asked.
“I did it for Jess,” I said. “Plain and simple. God, Evan, it’s like I lost a huge part of my identity for the last fifteen years. I have to remember what I like. Remember which things are my favorites, not just things that she always liked.”
Evan puffed out a laugh. “It’s weird, because I felt like I’ve been doing that for the last fifteen years. Trying to figure myself out.”
“Oh, bullshit,” I said. “You know exactly who you are. And you aren’t afraid to show it.”
“I’m glad I give off the impression of having it all figured out,” Evan said. “But I don’t.”
“What don’t you know about yourself?”
He looked out into the room aimlessly. “I guess I just don’t know what the future holds for me.”
We lapsed into silence for a while, letting the sounds of the party fill the air. The women on the floor near the dogs were taking endless videos of them, laughing and drinking beers, totally carefree.
“Thinking about the future scares the hell out of me,” I admitted to Evan.
He reached out, rubbing my thigh. I loved that he was able to do that, and while some part of me still couldn’t believe it was a thing we could do in public, I loved it.
“Why does it scare you?” he asked.
“I sometimes feel like I already fucked up the one thing I was supposed to be great at. Being a husband. And so I’m terrified I’m going to screw things up if I ever try anything serious again.”
“That makes sense,” he said. “You’ve only been divorced for such a short time. Let yourself settle into your new life without worrying so much.”
“Easy for you to say,” I told him.
He laughed. “Fuck off. I have my own things to worry about.”
“I definitely wasn’t worrying about anything when I was buried inside you,” I said, my voice low.
Evan’s eyes briefly widened. “Neither was I.”
“We need to do that again. Sooner rather than later.”
“You should come over sometime,” Evan said, trailing his fingertips along my thigh. “You’re always welcome, you know. My place sucks when I’m all alone.”
“Or maybe you could come over again,” I said, running my thumb along his lower lip. “Tonight.”
As soon as I’d said it, I realized that it was what I’d been wanting all night, but afraid to admit. The thought of Evan sharing my bed again tonight fulfilled a bone-deep craving.
“I don’t know,” Evan said. “We were kind of bad at the whole sneaking around thing last time.”
I bit my lower lip. “I’ve been meaning to bring that up,” I said. “Apparently Zach noticed. And he’s been noticing a lot of things that I had no clue about.”
Evan’s eyes snapped to mine. “He told me he noticed, too. At the shelter. But I wanted him to talk to you about it first.”
“Shit,” I said. “The kid is smarter than me, I’m telling you.”
“Isn’t that all you can hope for? That your kids turn out even better than you did?”
“I am proud of him, even if it means I can’t keep up, sometimes,” I said.
I pulled in a long breath, reaching out and lacing my fingers in with Evan’s. I held his hand, letting it sway back and forth.
“You’d be okay with me coming over and staying the night?” Evan asked. There was so much hesitation in his voice, and it kind of broke my heart. Evan used to be shy like that all the time back in high school, and I was so proud that in his adulthood, he’d gained more confidence.