Total pages in book: 145
Estimated words: 138274 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 691(@200wpm)___ 553(@250wpm)___ 461(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 138274 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 691(@200wpm)___ 553(@250wpm)___ 461(@300wpm)
“You won’t let them hurt me?”
It was a little boy’s voice coming out of a grown male, someone who was powerless begging for mercy.
“No,” she said hoarsely as she blinked away tears, “I won’t let them hurt you. You’re safe, with me. Come away… with me.”
Giving up the fight, Nate curled into her, and she felt him trembling, his huge body shaking so badly, the mattress vibrated.
“Help me…” he whispered. “It hurts…”
Leaning over him, she rubbed his back, her eyes locking on the far wall. Then she looked around the room. She had thought it was neat before; now she saw the space for what it really was: Barren. No pictures or knickknacks, no mementos of vacations taken or fun nights out. Nothing personal, at all.
Because there was nothing personal in his own life.
She pictured him standing apart at the club—and standing apart at festivals and celebrations. If he came to them at all.
How did someone who had seen what he had of cruelty and calculation ever relate to anybody? He must always be jumping a divide when he was interacting with other people, ever on the far side, looking in… because the torture he’d been subjected to had broken something precious within him: His belief that there was kindness in the world that would safeguard a young when they could not safeguard themselves.
Instead, he’d been surrounded by humans who had tortured his mahmen and hurt him, over and over again.
Running her hand over the top of his head, feeling the new growth of his dark hair, she whispered, “Now I understand why you don’t want to talk about yourself—”
With no warning, Nate shoved himself away from her, his arms punching out, his eyes wide open and terrified as they looked at her, and yet didn’t seem to see her at all. And then he pushed himself all the way off the bed and crab-walked backwards into the far corner, keeping that vacant stare on her as if he expected to be flayed alive at any moment.
Her heart pounded and fear struck her in the center of her chest. What if she couldn’t get him to wake up?
“Nate, it’s me. Nalla.”
He was shaking again, his teeth rattling, and he drew his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them and holding himself. The way he lowered his head so that most of his face disappeared behind the fortification he’d created with form, only his wide, wary eyes showing, was a young’s way of hunkering down.
He had done this before, she thought. Tried to disappear, while knowing he couldn’t hide from his captors.
“What you must have been through,” she said softly.
And she needed to help him snap out of it, but she had no idea how to get through to him—
From out of the recesses of her mind, the answer came, and it was not an exotic one.
Sitting up straight, she put her palms together, sharp and loud, twice.
Clap.
Clap.
All at once, Nate came awake, that blank stare filling with confusion, his brows dropping as he looked down at his arms as if he couldn’t figure out why they were locked on his bent legs—
With slow recognition, he released the grip on himself, his fighter’s hard body both uncoiling and tensing, all at the same time. Now, as he looked across at her, he seemed to know exactly who she was, but he was wary—like he wasn’t sure what she’d seen. How much had been revealed. How… bad it had been.
“It’s okay,” she said in a steady, calm voice. Which was not even remotely how she was feeling. “You’re all right.”
Inside, she was an absolute mess, but she knew what he’d be concerned about: This was what he hid from everybody, and he was worried she’d judge him in some way. Which was not going to happen.
And she did not blame him for keeping this all to himself. Troubles were shared. Tragedies were different. The former was a conversation, the latter was a stripping raw of someone who had been raw too much and too often.
Silence could be the only armor you had, sometimes. Because if you got talking? Your voice unlocked the dungeon, and the demons in your mind jumped you and you were never quite sure you’d be able to get free of them—
With an exhale, he looked away, staring across at the stretch of countertop where the sink was. “I…”
As he let things just hang there, she had a feeling he was trying to construct some kind of only-a-nightmare lie.
Nalla shook her head. “I’m not going to say anything to anybody. And I understand why you don’t talk about it.”
After a moment, he extended his legs out in front of himself and crossed his arms again, now over his lap. “It’s been a long time.”
“Since you’ve had a dream like that?”