Total pages in book: 83
Estimated words: 81843 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 409(@200wpm)___ 327(@250wpm)___ 273(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 81843 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 409(@200wpm)___ 327(@250wpm)___ 273(@300wpm)
“Do you know what I did today?” I ask.
He shakes his head.
“I stood beside my brother as he became a father.”
Dad’s brows rise. “Renn?”
I don’t dignify him with an answer. “I stood next to him and watched him welcome his little boy into the world. It was one of the wildest experiences of my life. I had the honor of being there, of encouraging him when he was nervous, and hugging him when he was scared. I built him up and reminded him what a good man he was and what an amazing father he was going to be—something you should’ve done.”
Dad swallows hard. “Did Renn have a baby, Jason?”
“Then I snuck my siblings and mother into the room so everyone could love on the little guy,” I say. “I exchanged a moment of pride with Gannon, watched Ripley’s eyes water as he held his nephew, and listened to Tate crack jokes that earned a warning from Bianca to behave.”
Tears fill Dad’s eyes as he listens.
“I was there as Mom held her grandson for the first time, surrounded by her children, and helped choose the name of her first grandchild. We all celebrated the baby’s mama and made plans to take care of Renn and his family for the next few weeks.”
A solitary tear slides down his cheek.
“Then I walked my wife to her car,” I say.
“When did you get married?”
“And I kissed her and asked her what I should do about you. Should I come and see you? Or should I go home with her?” I pause, letting the wobble in my breathing stop. “And despite knowing she wanted me to go home with her, she told me to come here. And she told me to do that for me.”
He wipes his cheek with the pad of his thumb.
“I have a whole life out there,” I say. “I get to watch Bianca try to talk Foxx into getting chickens, and I golf with Gannon just to keep his confidence up because it’s the only thing he’s decent at anymore.”
Dad grins through his emotions. I keep going.
“Tate and Ripley come over for dinner and share my wife’s grandmother’s homemade pies. And Renn calls me to come to hang up televisions in his house because he’s suddenly a DIYer that can’t DIY himself out of a hardware store.”
“That sounds about right.”
A surge of emotion ripples through me, and the words lining up on my tongue aren’t what I expected them to be. I thought I’d be lashing out at my father—telling him how much I hate him and how pathetic he is as a man. But the truth is that he already knows that. What he doesn’t know is that I don’t care anymore.
I sigh. “You caused a mess. You did the unforgivable—and I won’t forgive you.” My breath is shaky. “But I will thank you.”
“Jason, I’m so sorry.”
“Save it. Don’t care. I really don’t. Because when I walk out of here today, this will all be behind me. You don’t get any more of my energy. You won’t take up any space in my head. You can threaten me and Gannon, and you can force the mother of your children and your daughter to testify against you if that makes you feel like a man. But you know what?” I clench my teeth so hard they crack. “We’ll still be out there. Together. Tighter than we’ve ever been. Sure, there may be tears, but we’ll be a family—and that’s the beauty of this whole thing. You gave us the gift of family.” I grin. “Wild, isn’t it?”
He shifts in his seat, eyeing me warily. “I asked you to come here for this reason.”
“For what reason?”
“I don’t even hope for your forgiveness. We both know I don’t deserve it. But maybe one day we can have a conversation and I can try to explain things.”
“Or not.”
He hangs his head. “Or not.” He sighs and looks up again, a broken man in a broken body. Pathetic. Weak. Imprisoned. “Of all my children, you were the brightest, Jason. You shined above them all. Hell, you didn’t ever need me. You taught yourself to tie your shoes, ride a bike, and drive a car. You could’ve done anything you wanted and chose what made you happy.” He leans forward. “You’re a leader. You’re strong. You’re smart and a protector. And I know if there’s any way for me to ever make peace with any of you, I’ll have to go through you first.”
“You’re damn right. And you won’t. You don’t get access to them.”
We eye one another in a strange standoff. It’s hard to see any glimpses of the man I once knew, and to some degree, that helps. But, in others, it’s harder. It’s akin to a death. While we’re all better off for that, it still comes with a heaviness that makes it hard to think.