Total pages in book: 23
Estimated words: 21888 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 109(@200wpm)___ 88(@250wpm)___ 73(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 21888 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 109(@200wpm)___ 88(@250wpm)___ 73(@300wpm)
She’d never admit it, but she’s the one who lost the most.
But the truth was—and it was depressing to admit this about my own mother—but her being gone was a blessing in disguise. It gave me freedom. It let me breathe for once in my life.
Even if said life was currently up shit creek and I didn’t have a paddle.
Beckham gave a short nod, and I pulled myself back to the present. I saw his expression soften a bit, but neither of us spoke. Maybe he saw the look on my face, knew where my thoughts had gone.
He finally cleared his throat and lifted his hand to rub the back of his neck. “Let me show you where you can stay.” He walked past me, and I got a smell of the cologne he wore, the scent reminding me of when we lived together, of all the memories I shared with him.
I missed him.
I loved him.
I followed Beckham down the hallway, looking to my left as we passed the bathroom, and to my right were two smaller bedrooms. The room he took me to was at the end of the hall on the left, and he pushed the door open and stepped aside, letting me walk in.
This house had been one of the rentals his father owned, one of three properties they had before his father married my mom. I wasn’t surprised Beckham now lived in one of them.
“You’ve really made this house nice, Beckham,” I found myself saying and then snapped my mouth shut, my jaw aching from how hard I clenched it. I didn’t want to pretend things could be pleasant between us, but I also reminded myself he didn’t have to help me. He didn’t have to give me a place to stay. He could have told me to fuck off. He didn’t even have to answer the damn phone when I called.
I looked over at him when he didn’t say anything and saw that he watched me intently. I wondered what he was thinking, wondered if he regretted inviting me to stay.
“I promise I won’t be here that long.” God, I was so nervous.
He shook his head slowly. “Lenora, I meant it when I said it’s not a problem. You’re welcome to stay here as long as you want.” His voice was soft, gentle. He sounded sincere.
I wanted to believe him, but I was on guard, had that wall up around me. I kept telling myself this was temporary, that once I had my shit together, I’d be out of his life and hopefully be able to put him in my rearview mirror, so to speak.
I’d be able to put the way I felt for him, the love I felt for him, behind me.
But even thinking that, telling myself that, I knew it was a damn lie.
* * *
Beckham
I stood on the other side of her bedroom door that I’d just closed, staring at it, picturing her getting settled in there. God, I’d fucked up so badly, but now was my chance to make it right. I didn’t want her to leave. Ever. But how could I tell Lenora that? How could I prove to her that I’d loved her for as long as I could remember?
Because she’d throw it back in my face that if somebody loved another person, they never would’ve said such hurtful things.
My heart fucking broke at that thought.
I exhaled and curled my hands around the doorframe, hanging my head. I couldn’t hear anything, and I wondered if she knew I still stood out here. I was seconds away from knocking on the door, but I dug my nails against the wood, telling myself I needed to go slow.
All I wanted to do was talk to her. I could see she was having a hard time. I’d heard it in her voice, not only when she called me and asked for help, but this entire time, with every word she said. Her darkness had come through so strong. And I knew she hit rock-bottom, because she asked for my help. And I was the last person she’d turn to after... everything.
I turned and forced myself to head into the kitchen and opened the freezer, grabbing the bottle of whiskey then getting two shot glasses out of the cupboard. I set the three items on the counter and just stared at them, wondering if going and talking to her right now was the best option. I should let her get settled. We had a lot of things to discuss. I had a lot of things I needed to make amends for.
I put the shot glasses back and took the bottle of whiskey into my room, closing the door and sitting on the edge of my bed. Knowing she was in the room right across the hall had my pulse racing. So instead of making an ass out of myself, I opened up the lid and brought the bottle to my mouth, taking a long drink.