Total pages in book: 47
Estimated words: 46202 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 231(@200wpm)___ 185(@250wpm)___ 154(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 46202 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 231(@200wpm)___ 185(@250wpm)___ 154(@300wpm)
I’m tempted to come and find you, his message reads. I’m dying without you. How’s the bump?
I’m surprised I haven’t pulled any cheek muscles from smiling so much, especially when he asks how the bump is. I love when he says that, shows so much care for our child.
All good. Sleeping peacefully. Unlike us.
It will be worth it, he replies. When I see you walking down that aisle, after having not seen you all night…I’m going to cry, Danielle.
I blink away some tears of my own, his words filling me, making me feel warm, fuzzy, and ready for our future. Or readier, since I’ve always been ready.
That’s okay. You can cry. Don’t think I’ve forgotten that tear you shed when I told you I was pregnant. I’ll never forget that. It made it even more special.
I love you so much. I’m lying here, the balcony doors open, the room cold and the night quiet, and I’m just thinking about the person I was before I met you. How distant. How emotionless. How broken, in many ways, and I’m just so unbelievably happy we met each other. I’m so unbelievably relieved everything worked out okay.
My instinct is to reach out and hug him as tears of my own rise in my eyes.
Are you trying to make ME cry?
No, he replies. Or yes…as long as they’re tears of joy. I can’t wait to be your husband.
I can’t wait to be your wife.
Do you think this is cheating, texting the night before, even if we’re not seeing each other?
My cheeks do ache now, my smile getting wide.
When it comes to us and texting, I think this is pretty tame.
LOL. Agreed.
I’ll still never get used to seeing you type ‘LOL’
Why, because I’m too much of a grumpy old man?
You are NOT old!!!!
I laugh as we drift into a bantering back and forth, the night finally feeling easier to handle with my man seeming so close. Even if he’s right, this is cheating a little, I don’t care.
I ache being apart from him.
I can’t wait to walk up the aisle tomorrow…
Today.
So soon I could scream.
I love you so, so, SO much, I send. More than anything. XXXX
EIGHT MONTHS LATER
Damien
I sit in the armchair, rocking little Jamie on my knee, smiling broadly every time he makes a cute cooing noise. He couldn’t be more precious, a tiny bundle of joy.
When I first held him, I was terrified of how small he was, worried I’d somehow hurt him with my giant hands.
But now he feels right at home, right where he belongs.
We’re sitting looking out upon the garden of our five-bedroom home in the suburbs… we’re planning ahead for our family.
As part of her job, Danielle needs to record a music video, and she’s set up some makeshift scenes in our garden. She’s got a backdrop for the artist she’s promoting and all the backup dancers set up.
She’s not the choreographer, but it’s her job to record behind-the-scenes videos that she can then use to market the artist later.
It’s low scale at the moment, Danielle working for less than her incredible skills are worth. But she’s doing it the right way, approaching these jobs with the humility and the effort it takes to truly do something great.
“What do you think?” I say, rocking Jamie back and forth. “Does Mommy look like she knows what she’s doing?”
It’s a silly question because she looks ready for anything.
With her gorgeous hair tied back in a ponytail, her white shirt and her black pants – both of which would drive me feral if Jamie wasn’t on my knee – and, most of all, with her no-nonsense attitude, she’s the picture of a woman who knows what to do and how to do it.
She discusses something with the cameraman, then turns and looks into the house, smiling at me. I return her smile, finding it funny that I ever thought I wasn’t able to smile, that there was a kernel of darkness in me that made it impossible.
Not anymore, not with Danielle and Jamie and all the happiness they bring.
Not with the joy of being a husband, a father, of living a life that feels like it has meaning.
Not with a love that gets stronger every day.
And lust that’s always quick behind it.
Danielle waves, then turns away, talking with one of the dancers as she fiddles with her phone.
A moment later, my cell phone buzzes from the counter.
I kind of like it when you watch me work.
A broad love-filled smile touches my lips, the same sort which always comes to me when we text, even though we speak in person every day.
It always brings me back to how this started. How we started.
Sure, there was some drama there. And even if Max has forgiven us – watching him walk Danielle down the aisle was one of the most moving things I’ve ever seen – sometimes the guilt’s still there.