Total pages in book: 47
Estimated words: 46733 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 234(@200wpm)___ 187(@250wpm)___ 156(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 46733 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 234(@200wpm)___ 187(@250wpm)___ 156(@300wpm)
He doesn’t need to trick me into bed.
Despite my nerves and being my first time, we probably would’ve kept going if Uncle Clive and Aunt Cynthia hadn’t interrupted us earlier.
You remember, I write. That’s so sweet.
Of course, I do, he replies. You were talking about it at your party last year, excited to start your new job, start this journey. I saw your passion then, and I can hear it now. I think it’s smart getting hands-on experience before you start any courses.
Maybe I was following your lead. My cheeks are aching again, my smile wide and getting wider. I know that’s what you did. Jumped in with both feet.
Sometimes, that’s what it takes, he sends, and it makes me wonder if we’re talking about more than careers. If you want something, go after it. Go all the way. Don’t do half-measures. If you know something will make you better, improve the lives of those around you. If you feel like you NEED to do it…then do it.
I warn myself not to read too deeply into this.
Just because I want him to be talking about us, a future relationship, it doesn’t mean he is.
Are you like that with everything?
It’s the closest I can get to asking if we’re talking about more than work. I could ask him outright, demand to know, but that might derail whatever closeness we’re building.
Which is – I remind myself again – exactly what I should want to do.
Derail us before we can begin.
No. Work has taken most of my energy. Sometimes I wonder if I work so much, so I don’t have to look for somebody.
Somebody, as in… a partner?
Yeah, exactly.
You don’t want a partner?
There’s a pause, lasting a long time, my belly getting tighter and tighter the longer I wait.
I never found a woman I want to be with.
I study the statement, thinking of all the unsaid things.
Until now, until me?
But I can’t immediately assume that. There’s no way of knowing if that’s the truth. I can only hope, while knowing hoping might lead to it blowing up in our faces, in dad’s face, and Sonya’s.
He texts a moment later. We should try and get some rest.
This seems abrupt, especially considering how the conversation was going before. I wonder if I pressed too hard if even hinting at relationships was too much for him.
You’re probably right. Big day tomorrow.
I’ll try not to leer at you when we’re on the boat, not like tonight.
I laugh, shaking my head as though he’s here. You weren’t leering. I actually quite like it when you look at me like that.
Like what?
Like you can’t look away.
That’s because I can’t, Brooke. Goodnight.
His tone seems so abrupt I find myself typing out a series of messages.
Have I done something to annoy you?
That was rude.
Talk about a mind fuck.
But in the end, I don’t send any of them.
It’d mean taking things to the next level, implying we’re far closer than we really are. It would put far more significance on our conversation than he probably has.
Instead, I roll over, pressing my cheek against the pillow. I think sleep will be difficult at first, but all the travel, jet lag, and excitement have me sinking deeper and deeper into my exhaustion.
In the final moments, before I’m gone completely, I imagine sitting in a yard with a baby at my breast, feeding him as Banner runs around the garden with our dog. Both of us are laughing, happy, and finding it ridiculous we ever thought this could end in tears.
CHAPTER 10
Banner
I wake thinking of last night, of how rude I must’ve seemed when I ended the conversation.
But I had to.
As I sit up, the rising sun glistens across the crystal ocean through the open curtains. I wonder what would’ve happened if I’d told her the truth. If I’d given into my desire and told her I’d never found a partner because I never had this, what we share.
This heat, this longing, this pulsing beat deep within, telling me to claim her for life.
My hand goes to my phone as my chest tightens, reminding me of what a jerk I’ve been.
She might’ve been wondering all night why I ended it so quickly.
Or maybe I’m rushing ahead again, seeing things that aren’t there.
Morning, beautiful. I text her, hoping that if she did find it abrupt, that comment goes some way to making it better.
Walking into the ensuite, I take a shower, trying not to imagine Brooke in here with me. We’ve got to be better today, sticking to our rule about touching, though the conga line was bad luck.
But if I touch her again, feel her curvy ready-for-me body, I’m not sure I’ll be able to keep up this resistance.
I’ll have to give into this desire, this heat, which never fades. It just grows inside of me, roaring, begging me to take her.